Trick or Treat! I have a date with super man tonight. Z is up and imitating Frozone, " Where's my Super suit?" Ha ha this is so much fun. So far I have him feeding the cat. Stocking the fridge with water bottles. He is so willing to cooperate. I suppose it happens a few times a year and this is one of them. If I had a lawn he'd be mowing it. Next up is brushing and flossing. Before the candy you say...........why yes, because we can and because he will. We have those little animal floss picks. We are off to a Halloween Party and then a little Trick or Treating and mostly passing out Candy at cousins house.

I am not going to worry about anything tonight. I am just going to watch the kids have fun. I have already decided that it's a cash only Christmas. Seems like the nanny and Z use the credit cards more than I do. That is why I have them, in case of emergency. LOL Also, I am taking a vacation. Sort of a vacation. My friend, bought a house on the Oregon coast. Or near the cost, I know he has a stream or what I used to call a crick on the property. I am still waiting for the link to Google Earth. I am hoping it's a whale watching situation. Z would love that.! He said I could go up and get some writting done if I wanted. NIce. I have been helping him buy furniture online. He sent me pics of the place and pics of things he's looking at. Isn't the internet cool! I asked him if his girlfriend had really bad taste?? He said, he didn't want her to have it all her way. I can't stop laughing........

Code to BFF....I need a drink!

BLOG LAW........I think I broke it! In order to learn better blog etiquette, I am going to take part in the NaBloPoMo.(www.fussy.org) It's the bloggers answer to NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month. I am trying to participate in both. While I don't think I can write 50,000 words in one month and still take care of Z. I am sure I can blog everyday or respond on a blog everyday in the month of Nov. That is the part I am really worried about. I was the first responder on a blog post. Not a good idea for a newbie. ( I have never freakin used the word newbie before .....LOL) Anyway, If you want to see what I am talking about go to www.robertgregorybrowne.com/wordpress/ AKA Anatomy Of A Book Deal. Nobody complained about me but I felt lame about my comment. Have you ever done that? I think I was supposed to understand that the issue is about unfairness. I know that now. I just live with unfairness. I can't get medical insurance for my special needs child. It's unfair. I want everyone to think I am a nice girl who is content to say, yeah that's unfair. dear God if I could only be her. I could probably be married and have more kids if I was her. The thing is .......just saying it's unfair won't help my son nor will it help the situation Rob was posting about. Now, I don't need to help that guy but I do need to do something for Z. I don't know what I am going to do. I do know that I am a realist. I have no choice. I was just trying to say that life is how it is and we are humans and no matter how open minded we are the machine of politics is aggressive and unfortuneately it works. America is one big Jury pool when it comes to politics. If you show them something negative as evidence even if the judge strikes it from the record or we know in our hearts that what a fiction writer wrote should not be held against him....it's never really gone from our subconscious mind. Especially if it's of a sensative or sexual nature. Maybe I am forgiven, maybe I have to find a new place to play. Meanwhile, I am getting ready to write a novel in one month. I will take what I get out of trying to achieve that goal. I have other writing goals and I do well with competing projects. www.nanowrimo.org. The point is.........one day, I might wake up and really know how things work. Public Relations, Fundraising, Politics, Blogging....... Then I can use them to create the ability to provide a better life for my son now and after I am gone. But yeah....it's not fair......I know and it used to stop me from playing..........not any more... wish me luck.

Nurse Jippy takes the night shift. I took Z to Childrens Hosp for a three day extended EEG study. I am in love with this little girl who was knee high pushing her IV poll up and down the hallway looking in the doors like she was window shopping at the mall! I don't know how many bags she had hanging from the IV poll but she didn't care. It was hilarious, she was so cute you couldn't be sad for her. They told me I had to stay up all night and push a button when there was a patient event. I was watching my son's brain waves on a computer monitor for the past three days. I filmed some of it for my documentary. It looks cool. I won't get the results back until Dec. From what I saw he has small seizures that wake him up within the first hour of sleep. I passed out a few times but other wise I played a good nurse. I woke up to a doc who wasn't so subtle about having me make an appointment. He gave me the number and said, "call now." So, guess what? I called and I'll be back at the hosp. next week to see two of my favorite docs. don't get me wrong, I owe this team of docs. I am trying to consolidate all Z's appoinments and get him school so I can get some work. I am there for his medical care but I have other obligations too. As I am playing nurse into the night I am thinking about playing Santa. The list gets longer and longer the closer and closer we get to the holidays. Recently, I was told that I really don't understand the pressures from providing for a family because I have the advantage of "maternal instinct." This got me mad. I make hard choices that reqire sacrifices and effort.
They call me a saint and dismiss me because I have a maternal instinct and I am nice. I am a bitch too. I have been trying to complain a little more lately. I am not sure if it's the way to go. I am not a saint for sure. I did feel like being Mother Teresa in the halls of Childrens Hosp. There are kids there and the parents can't be there with them. You can figure out quickly which ones they are. The ones trucking themselves up and down the hallways and know all the staff by name. Somehow I managed to have a little toy as they'd pass by. Then we got a roomate and the mom that came with that boy......she really is a saint. This baby was living off of her soul. Her husband was a man who loved them both and it showed. Both of them giving 100 % and it isn't going to save this baby. I don't know much Spanish but I heard ( in think) that he liked toys with lights. I had a pen that had spinning lights on the top. I dragged it out to help the baby calm down until someone arrived with his favorite toy. The dad looked at me and I saw the thing, the thing that I have, that his wife has, it's not maternal instinct. It's not saint hood either. You care about the little things. It keeps you in the moment. I think because we know we are powerless over the big things and over the future. I live on blind faith. I have to believe that if I play a good nurse right now that I'll get a shot at Santa. Can I play all the roles in Z's life? Time will tell. I'd have to say, I play an awesome Nurse Jippy.

Code to BFF Children's three day stay .......just found out....

I really don't care about Brit or Madonna but they crossed my path today. Ok, it goes like this......I took Z to school and he didnt' stay so we had to find something to do with our day. I figured I'd let him pick out stuff for his lunch box to increase the chances of him staying at school tomorrow ( he's currently eating those choice snacks right now.) A big sign outside, Flu Shot. Nice, it's on my list and if I do it today the money goes to breat cancer research. I don't want to get a shot at all and I don't need the flu shot but My son needs me to have it. I have to frame it like that or else I'll hit the floor from needle phobia. To distract myself.......trashy magazines..... Brit lost 26 pounds in one month without the pills or the trainer. I mean she had a trainer before so escentially she's been trained. Right? So, no nutritionist this time either. Like she would have forgotten how to make a turkey and swiss rollup? Anyways, Hurray for her! Her butt is shrinking and she isn't worried about her man out there on the loose anymore. I mean, who would worry he had two kids with the women he left to become Mr. Brittany. Oh yeah, she might be careful not to loose all of that ass......the other chick had booty. As long as I am reading about what she is eating.....I think she's in the clear. Ya know?? There are many levels of love and we have the right to explore them.......... Now, I move on to Madonna. I already know what I think about this. I wonder why would someone adopt a baby that has a father? Maybe it was the only way? I wonder why she didn't set the man up to care for his son. Why not adopt a true orphan? A baby with no mother or father at all. I mean there are plenty. Right? I am glad she is bringing attention to kids that need adopting. I hope good people adopt orphans. I hope we support people to keep families together. He suffered and he'd have advantages being raised by Madonna. I am in favor of her adopting, giving the country millions of dollars puts in in my face and forfeits privacy. I have an opinion. I don't want to take on Madonna but why David? Did she rename him David or is that his birth name? Maybe I'll think about that when I make my turkey and swiss roll up tonight.....LOL

Do Not Read This Blog! I don't know what I am talking about. I went a little James Fry in the begining. I made up some names. I am a writer. Usually I am, here I am not. I haven't found my voice. I don't want to be the struggeling single mother of a special needs child here. I am that every hour of every day and it sucks but I am cool with it. I am not a saint but I am devoted. I fear guilt so much that I do the right thing even when I am exhausted and don't think it will work out well. I am really proud of this because it's a huge effort and it's hurts like a black hole is sucking in my soul. I try and I try to the point of being freaking ridiculous. I pick myself up and charge ahead and use delusion as fuel. I am so convinced the the hard times are ending and I am nearing that light at the end of the tunnel. So many things out side of my control, ifluence my daily life. I don't care about that anymore. Iam not wanting stability and garuntees. I want me to be different. How can I grow and change when my world is so small? My ego is big, my mind is gone, just gone.
I don't want answers, I don't want to ask questions. I want something new, good. I think it's fun. What I want now is fun.

I can't sleep. I randomly crossed paths with three people from my past in the last 24 hours. What does this mean? Two men. One in a store, another at a gas station, seems so random. I should have tried harder with either one of them or maybe I should never let them into my life at all. You know I am so hard to get. The Holidays are coming and, " you should have married that young doctor. " That is what I am going to hear. Wouldn't it be great if I could say, I don't have a doctor but I have my script. Wouldn 't it be great if they understood that it's really apples and oranges. I want people to look at me and see that my son did not stop my life. If I was stupid they may not care. It's some idea of potential that bothers them so much. My potential career, my potential family life. You know a personal trainer and a dating service, they are all willing to pay! I bet I get it in my stocking this year! lol. I 'll take it. Can't I have it all? Just little slices of life here and there is good.
Now my guy is awake and I leave you with a mystery of the third person from my past. Have you ever had a day like that?

Code to BFF- Guess who I saw at Best Buy Last night!!! Trying to put his movie up front and buying a copy so they keep it stocked. OMG call me!

Children's Hosp. today. I hope it's not all day. I am getting some writing done early. So if I comment on a blog they automatically get my blog address.......Good to know. I could talk in code......strickly lines from movies. I need to go to Disney and play the trivia game before my son gives up on those movies altogether. I got a call from my brother once...... he was in a bar and I helped him win something..... just what he needed free beer! I need beer, one more summer day with beer. It's easier to write in the winter. I am gearing up for it. I am getting my heater cleaned and checked for Carbon monoxide leaks. Stock up on tea and soup.... maybe some hot cocoa. Ok I feel like writing more already. I finsihed a project in Seattle in one season. I want to be done by the end of the year. Merry Christmas please ready my script. I am new to blogging. I joined a writing message board and some people were really rude and negative. I mean nay sayers big time just stomped on people. I think bloggers are better! That's it from Jip!

Apology note to self, I am really sorry Jippy. I wasn't able to get any work done. I thought about it alot. I made notes. I suffered greatly at the key board. That ache in the pit of your stomache? It's nothing compared to what News Years will feel like if you are still have no script. Apparently HACKING JUNK FOR THE INTERNET is your cup of tea after all. I am really sorry that it's come to this........But you are grounded, restricted, time out chair! It's back to the word counting days. Now don't you mess with me or you'll be sorry!

She paid me five bucks to kick him in the shins and ask him "does that hurt?" That's how grandmother got me back into the doctors office. He was supposed to be looking in my ears but he was trying to breathe in my tits. I know because over the past few months I started swiping men's magazines from his office.

They call me Jippy, I can't make them stop. I blame it on the "rabbit terd." When Juan and Jose pitched the bails of marijuana into the Atlantic Ocean with the coast gaurd closing in. They turned the Irish twins into a pair of power tripping pot horders. Looking for their shit, Juan finds nobody home but a couple of twelve year olds doing laundry. Finally the busty one opens the dryer and pulls out a handful of round balls and tells him to put it in his pipe and smoke it. So I am Jippy originally Jippy Pit Roll......