My New Earth work is actually on It's a text messaging book club. In case you came here from the Oprah website and were wondering where it all is. I'll bring my New Earth Work over here because, I guess this is where it's meant to be. Welcome to Jippyjabber! PS I am auntjippy on the Oprah message boards.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The very last day of NationaI BLog Posting Month. Thanks to Fussy I think much lower of myself now!

I hope I get good news today. I have my fingers crossed. I might be able to get normal sleep and recover my will to live. I am on the five year plan. Some where there is a man on the plan. I had a man claiming to be interested in me. He wanted in and I let him have some of my time on the phone. He was anxious to go out. I met him buying a lotto ticket. Until we talked about my son. He asked me if Z would live a normal life. Actually he assumed that Z would have a normal life and I corrected him. I cherish what I have, it's hard but it's mine. SO the guy told me I was wasting his fucking time. He litterally told me I had wasted his time and hung up on me. What an asshole! It' s no wonder I always want to blame it on my fat ass than have this type of bullshit in my life. I know a bunch of guys would feel this way but I would rather not KNOW that they feel this way. I don't blame the attittude it's a huge deal. I mean do have to rip me apart for it? I can't date during the holidays anyway. I am on the five year plan with Zachary. As long as I don't let this completely swallow me up I might be able to manage this with some success. I want more than anything to see Zach's suffering stop. I honestly would give up anything in the world for that. I am off today to spend the day at the Hosp. Today. getting results from the sleep study test. I got the appointment moved up so now I don't have to get the news during the holidays. I wasn't sure if I would be able to blog today so I stole something fun just in case. Life is better now that I have more to do. I love Final Cut Pro!! Funny how that works.

I stole this from

It's a mathematical trick. Tell the person (or class) to think of their birthday...and that you are going to guess it.

Step 1) Have them take the month number from their birthday: January = 1, Feb = 2 etc.
Step 2) Multiply that by 5
Step 3) Then add 6
Step 4) Then multiply that total by four
Step 5) Then add 9
Step 6) Then multiply this total by 5 once again
Step 7) Finally, have them add to that total the day they were born on. If they were born on the 18th, they add 18, etc.

Have them give you the total. In your head, subtract 165, and you will have the month and day they were born on!

How It Works: Let M be the month number and D will be the day number. After the seven steps the expression for their calculation is:

5 (4 (5 M + 6 ) + 9 ) + D = 100 M + D + 165

Thus, if you subtract off the 165, what will remain will be the month in hundreds plus the day!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Candy for Breakfast!

Because Zach has a mitichondrail disorder, his cells loose energy fast. He needs carbs and sugar to help him function. He can't fast for more than three hours. He was up all night last night and finally sleep this morning. He slept past the three hour mark and no way was I waking him up to drink some juice. For some strange reason he slept most of the day. Wow! I am so happy. It is weird but after so long with out food candy is the best thing for him. HE is sucking on some Jolly Ranchers and I still have all the good mother integrity I need. How Ironic it all turns out to be. My sister invited us over for dinner and while it's breakfast for us, I am all for it. My niece will cook something special for Zach and we'll listen to the holiday music. I only hope to get off this vampire schedule before New Years! Tomorrow I go to the Hosp and get the results of a 48 hour brain wave study. I am worried, and I want to say Knoweledge is power but first you have to freak out a little bit. I think it's the law. Allow some time to freaking be overwhelmed by more medical crap and then have some tea and comtemplate how this knoweledgge is helpful. One thing I know for sure no mater what they found, I have in a sense, already been dealing with it. So, give it a name and maybe some meds and we move forward. Hopefully into normal sleep patterns and fruit for breakfast. This is my dream.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Save the Whales!

I was happy to read on the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration that they are reccommending new shipping routes to protect the endangerd Right Whale. These common sense actions used to be so hottly debated. I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. If you go see the NOAA website ( You can use my link on the sidebar to the right) you can actually see the hole in the ozone at the top and bottom of the earth. That means there are two holes. What it took to get us to put down the aqua net, but we did it.

I put my plastic bottles in a seperate bag. I sometimes put five bucks in the bag too. Then my son and I watch as a very determinded very old man digs through the trash out back and scores when he finds all the water bottles and ok the occassional beer bottles and maybe a few soda cans. We found a way to make it cool for us.

My nephew bitches me out when he sees me throw out the plastic piece that holds a six pack together. "How could you?" "How could you, Aunt Jippy?" I just laugh because I only do it for his reaction. He grabs it out of the trash and cuts it up and tells me about the sea lions and the oceans. I just laugh and am incredibly proud. Little good things that become a way of life and it's comfortable to us now. Like the new shipping lanes. I am sure in a few years the Mariners, the Captians will be confortable in the new course. And proud that this is a course that saves the Right Whales. Yeah!

Monday, November 27, 2006

I am so happy to have Final Cut Pro! I can't wait to get all of the raw footage loaded. I am just dying to get the documentary up and running. I am worried about some things being too graphic. I ran into a director friend of mine at Starbucks and he told me not to censor myself. YIkES! I just want to have a balance showing the good the bad and the ugly. Also, I have some interviews left to film and I planned on doing them infront of the green screen so I can add some special effects in the back ground and stay away from the talking heads on screen that bores the hell out of me. I looking for a good book on greenscreen. I know the lighting is key. I don't want the doctors to glow green.
My Nanny Blew me off today. She called twice earlier, didn't leave a message. I have called her and text message her and so far no reply. The problem with this is that I schedule to do things today thinking that i have help. Actually the problem is that I put off doing something thinking I would be able to do it today. When it's just me, I know I have to do it all and I act differently. I don't expect to be able to do anything on my own. I just integrate Zach's life into my mine. It is always challenging but it's rewarding to be getting somewhere. Nanny just called me , the housekeeper didn't do her laundry and she doesn't have anything to wear so she isn't coming. LOL

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Yeah Baby!

I got a call from a friend of mine last night. I'll call him Peter becasue he is a reclusive artist. He was contacted from a film maker wanting to use one of his songs in her film. He seemed really open to the idea.
As the conversation went along, I mentioned I needed music for my documentary. He actually thanked me for the opportunity. I was shocked! In the past he claimed that his creative process would not allow him to score a film. So I never consider him for my musical needs.
I have suggested that he try nurturing the creative process and possibly letting it expand or grow. I am very excited to take my painting to another level. I know it's painful to be bad at something or to be, not good while learning, but it's the journey remember!!
I am excited about the possibility of Peter making the music for my documentary. He is a great communicator and always understands my point of view, while gently offering another higher minded vision. Also, I am very happy to feel a sense of collaboration on this project. What a happy surprise. Music is important in film but in my documentary it will be vital.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

A book is Published!

Zibby Payne & The Wonderful, Terrible Tomboy Experiment. Written by Alison Bell.

Turns out to be a gift of Inspiration.

As I arrived at my sisters for Turkey Day she hands me a cute little book. I mean it's litterally cute and little. It's a Lobster Press publication for the tween scene. I looked at the cover and you see the skirt part of a pink frilly dress and pink argile socks with green converse style high tops. Nice, is this another joke about my arrested developemt? About the time when I was a tween and had to wear a dress and a baseball hat while ridding the three wheeled motor bike in an endless figure eight in the field next door? I had the time of my life punching it over the gofer holes. My question then was, if I am such a "Tomboy" then why don't I get along with boys? I mean even if I was a boy I would not run after a snake just when someone has fallen down and gotten hurt. I didn't know where to fit in. I turned to books back then and I tell you the Zibby Payne and the Wonderful, Terrilble Tomboy Experiment would have really spoke to me. A girl trying to figure it out on the fly and things making sense in your mind but not playing that out in the world just as you had hoped it would. If you Know any tween girls this will be great in as a stocking stuffer. Waiting for the next book in the series is going to be torture for them but Alison Bell has written some other books 'Let's Party' and 'What's your Style?' You might give them a try.

As I was checking the book out for my blogging purpose I notice a hand written note a few pages into the book. On the Tilte page it is written.... 11-17-06 To Jippy Best of luck in your writting career- we writers must stick together, Alison Bell.

Turns out that my sister and Alison both in their busy lives have taken time to give me the gift of inspiration. I hardly know Alison but she always takes the time to express compassion for my situation with wanting a career but first being a single mom to a special needs child. I can tell that she asks my sister how I am doing. That's not " hollywood nice" that's real nice.
Thanks Alison and Thanks Sistah!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Oh Happy Girl!

It's been said that on average we consume 3,000 calories on a typical Thanksgiving Day. How did I spend my 3,000? When a brother in law (to be) is from France and he worked in a bakery growing up. There is one word that sums it all up. Truffle. Boosie Gran Manier Truffels. The rest of my 3,000 was well spent on mashed patatoes, pie and wine. I know Truffels and Pie? Can you believe my mom went all the way to Juliane to get pies? If you have ever been there or had these pies you'd belive it. About the wine drinking. I did drink too much to start bragging about the good drink served. Give me something wonderful up front and then I'd be fine with Mad Dog after that. ( If you know what Mad Dog is or have ever drank it, you are in my secret club "Ditching Days")
I didn't get drunk but one of my sisters did. Ha ha, it was funny! We saw her closing in on my other brother in law ( an offical one.) We heard something about Love and his parents and then we heard the same thing again. So Kathryn decides to throw out a "Honey Do," to save her man. The flaw in the plan? Honey, Can you please get me a class of wine! Which meant opening another bottle. OOPs!
In her, " I am not even drunk yet" concern to bring food to her son, Sister packed up all of the leftovers like the Grinch before Christmas. I spent the night there last night and all through out the day today we'd hear, " the cranberry sauce ! she even took all of the cranberry sauce." All that I could think of was my other sister draggng her ass out of bed and opening the fridge to a huge bowl of Cranberry sauce and wondering what the hell am I doing with this?
Christmas, bring it on!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Sounds Good to Me!

I 've been playing phone tag with a long lost friend. It doesn't make sense that we are friends and some people don't like it. They certainly don't understand it. It was a time and space thing. He has cyctic fibrosis and thought he'd be dead before he was twenty eight. I have a son with an illness. So even though the illness wasn't in my body, I understood how it controlled his life. We just get it. That's all we have in common but it was huge for both of us. He is young and gay and finally getting over partying and getting into to his college classes. This is how i've been defined for the past twelve years. Zach's mom. It's even on the plates of my car. Zach's mom.
I've been trying to integrate a little more Jippy back into the equation. Sometimes it starts by talking to people who really know who you are. So I am dying to have coffee with an old friend. It's been phone tag. Finally he calls me today while I'm out to coffee with another old friend. He was happy for me but had to tell me how many times he's listened to my voicemail because I sound so good. Trust me, I know what he meant by that. Gay or not i have what it takes. He knows the story so he was probably teasing me too.
We both used to try every scheme to make money while staying home because we had too. Over Turkish coffee, I told Sasa my most embarrassing job story. I was on the verge of getting a job on a telephone customer service line. This was going to be a great job for me. I have worked as a credit manager for a large import export company and could resolve issues diplomaticallly. I looked forward to being challeged and really I just wanted to work. I called into the company for my final interview.
The receptionist was nice and transfered my call to her supervisor right away. Apparently, she thought she knew why I was calling. It turned out that this company had another telephone service division. It was a phone sex line! I was not prepared for that interview! You have to keep the men on the line as long as possible. Well, for the most part it will be men. Are you able to handle it if it's a women calling? uhhh??? I'm sorry, I'm confused. We were both very embarrassed and unable to stop laughing. I'm afriad our receptionist made a mistake and transfered you to the wrong division. I said, yes, she has, and tell her I said, Thanks for the compliment. Have a good day mam, goodbye. I'm still laughing over it, and that sounds good to me!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

ANCORA IMPARO- I am Still Learning.

I just learned how to get the pic properly on this blog. In this I promise to print out my entire blog and to proof read it. I promise to learn how to reformat my pictures so I can put a pic up. A pic of me? Maybe I will get a good one during the Holidays. I am usually found behind the cameras. I am excited I am getting Final Cut Pro to work on my DVD. It a promo for my documenatary. I need a couple of projects and it helps if one of them is something visual. Today I am going to check out all of the sales. Why not?? The Nanny is on her way over. A day at the movies for Zach and I will get some serious cleaning and writing done. Also I am going to eat a lot of healthy food today and not be too hungry tomorrow. I think YOU on a Diet is working. Basically you don't eat hgh fruitose corn syrup or enriched flour. You have to walk a minamum of 10,000. steps.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Penguin loves me. Go tgo
Type in your name, wait a while and then feel the love.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Ten Things I Do to get my energy back.

Depending how far gone I am this plan varies, so I have listed the options I give myself. Three days is usually great and if I haven't been too bad one day can save me from going too far down. It's a goal of mine to learn to bouce back fast. To learn to get my work done or at least try to do anything no mattter what life hits me with. It has a lot to do with food because I learned that I starved myself fat and lethargic.

1) Nothing, litterally stop my mind from thinking about anything.
1) Talk to my best friend.

2) Add Emer'gen-C electro mix to my water and drink at least three of them through out the day.
2) Convince myself My treadmill needs to be serviced and I risk injury to get on it. Nothing makes me more tired than guilt for not working out.

3) Drink Probiotic Kefir for breakfast. Right now I am into Pomegranate.
3) If I haven't been stressed out and eating junk I 'll have a protien shake with raw cocoa nibs.

4) Snack through out the day on Grapefruit, fresh pineapple or Almonds and dried blueberries. Be aware that I am doing something good here.
4) Garlic stuffed olives or Wasa crackers with humus. This is great if you are trying to revover from a sugar binge.

5) For lunch I have vitamins, a turkey, avacado, cheese, tomato, sandwhich on a sprouted grain bread. Fresh lemon water.

6) A snappy nap. Convince myself I can take care of all of my worries later but right now I have to sleep for twelve or twenty.

7 Listen to self help or motivational audio book ( a short one and nothing lame like I love myelf just as I am becasue I really don't) I clean up my creative space. Arrange my paints or get my pens together. Anything that supports my process.
7) Egg white scramble with garlic, spinache, fresh basil with a glass of OJ or cranberry juice.

8) I tell myself that I don't have to finish this project or anything -who knows what I really need to work on? I do need to breathe well, So I make sure my gut goes out when I breathe in and then when I got this breathing thing down I shift my eyes up and to the right it's what we naturally do when we tell the truth. Then I fuck around with my mind until I feel really ridiculous. Holding out hope that I may have helped no matter how insane I have become.
8) Detox tea and list all the dysfunctional people I know. Try to blame them for why I am so fucked up and tired.

9) Remember I have been here before and it passed. While I wait I hope I might get lucky and I go get a lotto ticket and a protien candy bar.
9) Convince myself that I must watch this moive to get myelf back into the mood of my work. Then I steal three or four of Zach's gluten free ginger snaps. I focus really hard so I still have the cookies with me when I get back to the couch.

10) A cup of tea with non fat sugar free vanilla milk and I think of what my kid looks like when he's sleeping imagine him sleeping with his dog Bruno. The dog I promised to get him and then I'll be free to happily get my work done in this perfect little rythm of life. How nice it will be.
10) Steel cut oatmeal with sugar free maple syrup or absolute real maple syrup. Wonder if I could ever drink syrup and lemon water for a week. It was recomended on a recent detox fad. I'd rather get back on the treadmill and try to deal with sweating.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The one year anniversary of my grandmothers death is approaching. I can feel her around me. I am eating sliced Turkey with swiss on Rye Wasa Crackers. I am cooking Irish Steel Oats. I am not exactly craving castor oil. But I am looking for the, "cures of what ales ya." I know she is around me because she is nudging me along. She is giving me a boost of confidence. She also seems to be speaking to my son. A gentle whisper in his ear. He says things like, Your grandmother is furious. Your grandmother loves you. And to that I say. Ask my grandmother for the winning lottery numbers! I am ok with the whole supernatural thing -if we can get those winning numbers. Before she died, I sent her a California lottery ticket and noted to her, "This is what it looks like" We have a pact. Why not?? She's been talking about dieing for as long as I can remember. Meg, used to get upset and take off. I'd play along. She'd ask me what I wanted when she died. I got in a huge fight with my other sisters over a golden love seat and a fish tank. She didn't even own these anymore when she died. I think the hurricanes in Florida took care of most of their furniture. One ThanksGiving she asked each one of us what glass we wanted to drink out milk out of for dinner. She had Waterford Crystal, some brought by herself from Ireland. I went for a cup that was part of a cider set. It was an abolone shell pitcher and six small cups that a late relative had decorated with gold leaf. It was so beautiful and sacred to me. She made sure I had that set before she got ill. I am going to drink milk out of it this Thanks Giving in her memory. AND I am going to play the lotto. She thinks of me as a winner and feeling her near me helps me feel that way too. Thanks Nan.

Friday, November 17, 2006

i need sleep. I can't even catch type o's. My son has been up for days and I might be on my way to the ER A new medication works well on the nerve pain but not on other pain. Damn. I hate to do this on a Friday. I hope I can post everyday no matter how offensive it is............... Just in case this is today. I gotto go........chow; I paged the doctor twice today as usual during a medication change. We upped the meds and Zach is not on his way to the ER. I like this medication he just needs more. Bummer for me it means I have to go back sooner to see the docs and get Perscriptions. I don't know how they tolerate seeing so much of me. During the first year It was not uncommon for me to cry during our visit and I would just ask them to ignore it. How long can a person go without sleep?? They were true gentlemen and let me cry and act as if I wasn't.
I was just so relieved that I wasn't alone trying to help Zach anymore. I think it was Post traumatic crying. These guys are super human.
I am so annoyed with the body mind healing. Am I supposed to tell my son he isn't thinking the right thing so he's going to contiue to suffer? Then when he thinks right, then GOD will do his part and heal him. Why do children suffer? Am I to believe that his spirit is ill? Don't tell me what you think GOD"s relationship with Zach is. All that matters is love? The only thing I can take from this mind healing stuff is that Zach's pain is not Zach. It's just pain. It's not Zach. I can see zach through this pain. I see him, he is so beautiful. He is peaceful and wanting to live a full life. It co exists with his pain and torture. I am in awe of his love of life. I litterally tremble with the fight to stay nurturing as useless as it is at times. It helps for me to control my thinking. It helps to never think futile or helpless thougts. I need a miracle. I need to see Zach joyful and happy. I think I will take him to Universal Studios. If I go soon, I will get a free pass for all of next year. I am in the mood to go catch some sun sets. Isn't this the time of year in California when the sun sets are most beautiful? I am ready. I am just needing the filling of the well to be gentle and wonderful.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A man who always wanted to be a hunter kills two squirrels.
He takes them to a taxidermist.
He brings in the squirrels and he really doesn't know what to say.
So the guy in the shop looks at him and says, Do you want them mounted?
The man replies, No, holding hands will do.

Again, A joke from my sister Meg!

More about Meg,

I am really really sorry if referring to her as "the updater" in my computer call post was seen in any negative light. She recently tried to stay on the phone with me beyond the update staus and into jugleing a call and her life. I wondered why is she staying on the line? Perhaps she reads my blog? No comments from her though.......Just so you all know....... I always know Meg is busy. She had high standards for her family and her job. She does everything well. She is smart and the person I ask for advise.
I could not live with out my updates. I love hearing from my sister Meg, and will take any bit of time from her busy life.
She is an inspiration to me as a mother and a sister. In my darkest moments the phone has rang and Meg somehow knew she had to call me. Woke her up out of a sound sleep. One time Meg called a phone booth at the Hospital, Just when my husband was walking by and I was in labor???? I'll take Meg's calls anyway they come.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I was waiting on a sign. I wasn't sure if I change my script. I just didn't know if I wanted to work on this or take on something new. I was thinking about blogging. A Blog showed up on my screen and it was a story about what happened when he sold his first script. Then I when I went to turn on I tunes I hit the final Draft button. I had tivo on for Zach and a scence come up that was the real reason I saved the show. It was The Most Extreme Cats. It a a bit about a tribe. I wasn't sure where to start my story. I just found out I need to leave it alone. Leave the beginning at the beginning. I could cut it off and I would have still have a movie. Something commercial and less of a story. I guess I'll leave that cutting to the director or the editor but I am writing the whole story. I am not a good writer but I am an excellent story teller. eventually I use the other side of my brain and clean things up. I am sort of the dyslexic typer. I get letters in words that belong in words two sentences away. I think I should try to increase my speed a little it might be better for me to type faster. I am not sure. I can type as fast as I talk but not as fast as I think. That should be my goal. My goal is to meet my deadline for this year. I will because I can't live without it. I just have to finish this. I am getting excited because I got a sign. Now I can get out of my own way and finish this. I love this story. I am scared of the bad guy. It's like having a pet spider.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Another right place at the right time.....

Before I got my Costco card, I used to stop in the Dollar store and
check out if they had any purified bottles of water. It's necessary for
Zachary. Not spring water but the pure stuff. I usually get some Crest,
Ajax, and Panteen while I am there too. I mean what the hell it's the
same stuff for a buck. It helps when I throw down close to a hundred
for a pair of shoes for a growing boy. This particular time they only
had the huge two and half gallon bottle with the sprocket. The fun kind
that goes in your fridge and your child can stand there and create a
mini pool on the floor for his artic seal and polar bear toys. I hate
carrying these things up a flight of stairs with my bag of all things
and corralling my son up and into our home. I Promised myself I would
not buy more than I can get up and into my place in one trip. It just
isn't worth it. It's a little better now but once Zach got home he'd be
ready to express his frustration from being out and about. So why
couldn't I just buy one thing of water? Yes, it's a nice price for
water but I hate these sprockets because zach finds them so much fun. I
must have done the equivalent of Arms of steel lifting the second thing
of water in and out of my cart. I left it and went to the toy section
and told Zach he could have any one he wanted. Those were the days. I
just like leaving there spending only five bucks. But no, I walked all
the way back to the water and got that one that I used for training.
One more heave hoe and I am back to my confusion, Why can't I stick to
my own rules? So I compromise with myself. I put one of the waters in
the seat next to me buckle it in and I'll get it out tomorrow. The
other one is in place for me to grab it as I get Zach and his stuff to
come with me inside. I wasn't going home yet. I still had to get
downtown Los Angeles and if I didn't get a move on it, I'd be stuck in
traffic on my way home. A new toy in for Zach was just the thing to
keep him occupied on while on the freeway. I made it downtown but Z
didn't want to get out of the car. I had to wait until he would
cooperate to get upstairs and meet with a regional center worker. What
a night mare just getting Zach into the building. Once again I am
feeling hopeless. The worker knows my future and with out knowing it
she told me it's going to be hard. I just don't want to be helpless and
a burden. I always felt a sense of destiny to help. I just had so much
compassion and empathy. I just didn't want to be the needy one. So I am
building up my grudge towards god and I am stuck on the freeway. It's
not moving. It's crawling at the slowest pace I have ever seen after
years of being on this freeway. I think I see something up ahead as I
move over to get off I wonder if this problem up a head is blocking my
exit and then I will be here for hours. It's a gamble but with Zach I
have to get off the road before he reaches his limit. Yes, he' s in a
car seat but he has gotten out leaving his diaper down around his
ankles. He is a little Houdini. He is also a little Tasmanian Devil. I
am finding it hard to breathe as visions of our last freeway incident
plays in my mind. I was driving back from Orange County and Zach got
out of his car seat and over the into the front seat in an instant. He
was in so much pain and uncontrollable that he was thrashing about hit
his head on the windshield and broke it. I was in a construction zone
and was sure I was going to die. So I needed to get to the exit.
I have realized I had no control and I just surrendered to the moment. I could see the
guy on the side of the road. His car was on the island between my lane
and an on ramp. Cars still emptying on to this freeway and not getting
too far. It was slowing down and things stoped cars stuck on the on
ramp. This guy was standing there holding the radiator cap and the
steam piping out of his car. I reach over opened the passener side door. He looks at me,
looks inside my car, I unbuckle the water, he reaches in takes the
suitcase of water and shuts my door just as I slowly creep bye totally
in syn with the pace of traffic. I just couldn't believe it! Neither of us
ever said one word!
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Monday, November 13, 2006

I don't know if my blog exists right now. I found the dash board but when I try to read my blog it won't come up. I am so lost. I got a call from my sister asking me if I had an Amazon wish list. She didn't really like the books listed on my wish list so she needs me to update it before the Holidays. I wanted to tell her that I know it's great to click and point but I am planning an outing to some specialty bookstores. Before they don't exist anymore. I love the point click and deliver. I wonder if it matters where you buy the book from? I have to get my wish list together. So give me some good ideas.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Doctor Doctor!

Off one hook and on the another. Here I was worried about emails I had
sent off to Zac's doctors. I wrote them in a haze round 4am. I really
did not want to talk about the e-mails. I was so embarrassed. I went
last week and the receptionist had told me the wrong date. So, I had to
go through the dread all over again. Of course it turned out to be a
long wait. I have waited as long as four hours to see these docs. It's
a long time in a small room. You really want to be angry. When you see
strollers passing by that look like mac trucks carrying three or four
machines and one tiny little person you suddenly have patents you
didn't know you had. So maybe they have a good reason to be so late. It
wasn't too bad we waited just about two hours and we kept the door
cracked so we didn't feel like we were running out of air. They had an
intern with them so I figured they weren't going to get into it with
me. Until they asked her to leave. Oh fuck. I am ready to apologize.
"We've read over your emails and just want you to know we understand
your concerns." Ah what? Ah who? This is a couple of great doctors and
very decent human beings. I have not come across that combination too
often. The funny thing is, I did myself a favor ( so I thought) and
never re read those late night emails. I wasn't exactly sure what I had
wrote! I felt like I was in an improv class. He's say something
regarding my "concerns" and I'd reply mostly expressing regret from
writing them with gratitude for all that they have done for Zach and I.
One doc in particular wanted me to know how he understood. How they not
only there to help Zach but me too. Oh boy I could use some help!
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Saturday, November 11, 2006

Can I post from Email?

I am trying to learn how to mobile blog. Step one post from email.
Next will be posting from my cell phone. So this is a test.


Commuter Call! I am home with my child. I am a middle child. I am a good listener. I am an easy target for the commuter call. I live in Los Angeles so a lot of people I know, find them sleves stuck in traffic. It doesn't really matter anymore because I get commuter calls from Florida. Thanks to the new calling plans from the cell phone companies anyone can call from anywhere at anytime. If they find themselves bored or lonely. Just killing time between the drycleaners and the soccer field. Sometimes it's exciting from Warner Bros. studio to a seceret location of big A- lister Party. Commuter callers are out there in the midst of living their world. My sister Meg, in Florida is the updater. Just making sure she's checked in with me and knows what is happening with Zach. OH ! here comes the kids, the movies over, I'll talk to you later. OK and let me tell you this chick can really stretch out the meaning of later. I don't wait by the phone anymore. Then Bridget calls at 2 am just in case I am awake with Zach, ( I am ) and she's stuck under a hook. A Hook? This is when the black sheep of the family who got her stuff together and became a Long Shore man, tells me the ins and outs of the Long Beach harbor. Don't mess with me people because I will sick her on you! Oh, the cranes moving again, gotta go. The worst offender is my sister Kathryn. She commuter calls me when she's at home. I have actually listened to her give her daughter a bath READ her a bedtime story and then abruptly hang up on me when it's martini time. Then my boss starts calling me after every meeting. Driving home, he just wants to let me know how it went and if he'd be getting work which means I might need to be available to help. I think there should be a commuter call internship program. I have literally learned the nuts and bolts of producing commercials and indepdenent films via commuter call conversations. Lectures, I should say because conversations might be a stretch for what actually goes on. Usually, the "conversation" starts off with, Are you near your computer? Ok, thanks for that sweetie, bye. Can you work in Hollywood and not be called sweetie? Yes, I think so but not at the Commuter Call level. Sure, he'll ask what's going on with me occasionally but there is really no time for me to answer. He's finally at the Deli and he's been craving this for two days. Then it happened. My mother calls me one evening and I am listening to her about the corporation spiltting and what is going to happen to her 401K and who is going to loose their job and who isn't and what is her five year plan. Oh, I am home now, I'll talk to you later. That's it! Do you people know that I am listening to you waiting my turn to tell you something and when you get where you are going you practically hang up on me? So I have instigated a rule. I notified them all. From now on when you call me from the car you have to tell me up front, " This is a Commuter Call." You know they do it! It's seems funny now but my sister calls me, "Commuter Call" and I jump right in and say, Hey I have to come over tonight to let Zach swim in the pool is that cool? Yes, OK, now I am free to listen to you yell at traffic, which is dear lord so much fun!

Friday, November 10, 2006

I am off to the Hosp. with Zachd. Just in case it goes bad or really tires us. I am posting quickly before I leave. I promised a story and if I have time I'll do it when I get back. Also I need to edit the first one. I am writing a reply in my head about mitochondrial disease. I want to say what is most important and yet I feel like I wished I had already done this. For now I say google Dr. R Boles. becareful it looks grim on the surface. I am going to list the supplements perscribe to us as well.
I am CYA for NaBloPoMo.... Hope I am back with a long post tonight. If not I am comforting Z.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I was there for you baby! A few stories where I was an angel. I was a part of synchronizity. I was there in the right place at the right time with the right stuff. I am the single mother of special needs child. I have been humbled. There came a point where I just could not take anymore. I literally was tired of asking for help and I had a hard time saying thank you because I wanted to say, we'd be fine now. I won't need anything anymore. I sometimes said nothing more than thanks. Dipping into my parents or worse yet my sister's saving account and knowing I'd be back. The look in their eyes or the sound of their voice that said, I know you will be back too. I just found it so excruciating to be so helpless. I was getting fired and quitting jobs. I to go immediately to my son, and that call was coming more and more frequently. I was an inadequate person in an extended crisis situation. Needing help was getting old and I wondered how long could I be such a burden on my friends and family? I was so grateful and scared because I couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel. In hindsight it was too far off for me to see. I knew there was some help from the other side. I was having a hard time praying because of the disgusting, horrible, terrifying pain, torturing my son. I could not be in the presence of this trauma and speak to god. I think I was holding up and invisible to the human eye flashing fuck off sign. What I mean is that I felt as if I was keeping a force out. One that was willing to sit with me during Zach's torment. I was saying if you aren't with him then you can't be with me either. Although somehow the force was with us. We were still making it and the numbers didn't add up. So I said to whatever that was that was sustaining us. I can't take anymore. I just don't know how long I can be this humble. So what happened next is that my sister gave me her old computer. I put my dinosaur computer outside my door. Not looking forward to lugging it down a flight of stairs while trying to keep track of Z. Then I get a call for my sister in Florida saying, you've got package coming from UPS don't leave yet. OK, So I sit down and contemplate the irony of this powerful force. It just doesn't matter what I say. I don't know why but I lightened up a little anyway. Then a knock on the door. The UPS guy, gorgeous and happy. I sign for my package which I am getting really excited about. Then just as gorgeous UPS guy is about to leave he stalls. Is this your computer? Yes. Are you getting rid of it? Yes. Does it work? Yes. I have the exact same computer that just broke down. Do you mind if I come back after my sift and pick this up. It's my pleasure, I was not looking forward to carrying it down the steps. It was awesome! I quickly shut the door before he saw me blissfully laughing and crying. I was the helper! I was the one with something to give. Of course I received a lot to be able to do it but maybe that is just how it goes.

The next story is a dance of synchronization and I am not sure but even telekinesis. You'll have to come back tomorrow for the story. I have to get dinner for Zach and I have to dye my hair tonight.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

In response to your questions via email. I wanted to post a little about mitochondrial disease. I am backing up my computer so this is the short and sweet version. In Mitochondrial disease, symtoms generally occur when energy demand ( the body's energy requirement) exceeds energy supply ( the body's ability to supply energy). Symptoms can include leg pain, lethargy, severe headaches, abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting. All of these symptoms may be exacerabated by extreme physical activity, dehydration, or lack of eating. Physical activity is contraindicated in this child. Rather, by following certain precautions, these symptons can be avoided. Eating frequent meals will enhance the body's ability to make or use energy.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I am a JackPot Captian! California Lottery is sending me a free hat and whistle. If you want to be a captian go check it out. Jackpot Captian I have a confession to make. I am not a gambler. I just buy a ticket every now and then. It gives me a sense of future when I am feeling low about now. I usually feel beeter before the drawing and I sometimes don't check my freakin ticket. I don't want to know, if I have a winning ticket in the bottom of last years Kate Spade. ( it was a hand me down.) I am on a mission. I don't want my son to get the blame for my troubles. I am signing up for things and taking care of business. That means believe it or not, checking my Lotto tickets. Luckily for me if you sign up to be a Jackpot captian they send you the winning numbers via email! Awesome! The catch is you need to be captian of a Lotto Pool. So I am starting a pool. I have three sisters and my mom. My auntie always told me, "Never give away your good luck." So my sisters have to win with me. I can't just give them millions of dollars. Now, I just need some LUCKY NUMBERS! My sister Meg, gave me numbers 23 and 4. If you want to join my Lotto pool, here is a way I think we could do it. Leave me a message saying you want to join up. We come up with the numbers and then we all play those numbers at the same time. Everyone buying their own ticket. It has to play like that because what if we won and your dollar was lost in the mail and our millions got tied up in a legal battle? That would suck! We could Play until the end of the year. It's cool with me if you just want to donate your lucky number.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Cry me a fucking river.
I am tired. I am on detox tea. I have to go get healthy food before I give up and eat out of convience. Something from Zach's snack drawer is sounding good and easy. There is no perfect place for my treadmill either. It's still a treadmill no matter where I put it. I think audio books are better than trying to watch a movie. Any I Tunes suggestions for the treadmill?? Help me please, I keep choosing things like the grammer girl poscast. I love her but I don't retain things while on the treadmill. I heard that mysteries keep you moving. Is it ture? What is good to listen too? I have this gorgeous red sweater and I don't want to be mistaken for Santa himself come Christmas. It's 90 degrees out here today. I can't understand the weather. GLobal warming or Indian summer? I know there are pretty trees out east but I am doing all of my Christmas shopping in shorts. So yeah, cry me a fucking river.

Sunday, November 05, 2006


A man and a women are in bed sleeping. When they hear a knock on the door.
Honey, she says, "Go get the door"

Man reluctantly gets out of bed and heads downstairs to the front door. He opens the door to find a stranger outside.

Stranger, " Hey, man, sorry to bother you but do you think you can give me a push?"

Man, "No" Shuts door and heads back to bed.

Woman, "what was it?" Man, " Some guy asking for a push."

Woman, "You mean you didn't help him?"

Man, "No"

Woman, " Remember when we were on the side of the road and those people stopped to help us?" " I don't believe you, go help him!"

Man goes back outside and looks around and yells out into the dark, " Where are you?"

Stranger answers, " Over here on the swings."

It takes Meg to tell the joke to really make you laugh until you pee........she just loves telling a good joke. I did the best I could...... PLEASE LEAVE A JOKE FOR ME IF YOU HAVE ONE!!! Or let me know if you get me via Randomizer.......thanks!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

MADONNA REDEEMED....... I watched her interview and she was asked (finally) if she offered to set this man up to be able to take care of baby David on his own. He declined and granted her custody. I just hoped that she had thought to offer to help them stay together. In one of her interviews she described the situation like this: If a girl put up her child for adoption and then gets bombarded by the media. Reporters In her face asking her if she really wanted to give up her baby. I didn't think it could have really been like that exactly. If you put your baby up for adoption in America, It's most likely going to be well cared for, have food, clothing, health care. Having to leave your baby in an orphanage that is overrun and does not have enough food and medicine because of poverty and diseases is really something different. I support her and the dad and of course the baby David. If not for the doctors on the Pain Team at Children's Hospital. I would not have been able to safely keep my son with me.

BOOKS ON MY DESK RIGHT NOW......The Bitter truth!
I am moving my treadmill so it's kind of a big pile right now.

Write The Perfect book Proposal by Jeff Herman and Deborah Levine Herman

Scriabin A Biography by Faubion Bowers

The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh

In Fact The Best Of Creative Nonfiction Edited by Lee Gutkind

The Associated Press Guide to Internet Research and Reporting

Liars, Lovers, and Heroes What the New Brain Science reveals About How we Become Who We Are By Steven R. Quartz, Ph.D & Terrence J. Sejnowski, Ph. D.

Genetics for dummies

Pocket Theasaurus

Macworld Mag

Cliffs Quickreview Writing: Grammar, Usage, and Style

Virgil The Aeneid

Mensa Book of Literary Quizzes by Dr. Abbie F Salny

Charting Presidential Elections by Sylvia De Long

The Bangs Sisters and their Precipitated Spirit Portraits by Irene Swann

The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry

A Beautiful Mind the shooting script by Akiva Goldsman

How to Write a Movie in 21 Days the inner movie method by Viki King

Guerrilla Creativity Make your message irresistible with the Power of Memes by Jay Conrad Levinson

Pocket Dictionary

The Art of Civilized Conversation by Margaret Shepherd with Sharon Hogan

In Woods & Forests Be An Animal detective


How the Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill

The New American Bible ( I think the bible used at my brothers funeral)

My Meditation on the Gospel

My Daily Bread

Oh Geeze......there is my cable bill! Sorry, I just can't dig any deeper. I don't want a late fee! : )

Tell me, What books are on your desk right now?

Friday, November 03, 2006
LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Code to BFF ( or Blopomoers) go to
NaBloPoMo Randomize ME!

If you don't know what I mean ........Go to the NaBloPoMo site If you find me via randomizer please leave a note of it. I am curious.....

I have drama with a couple of Docs at Children's Hosp. I have to go face them tomorrow. I mean today. It's all in my head but that is the worst kind of drama. Well, I did send a couple of emails that I regret. LOL Wish me luck. It would be very bad if I cancel and I have to face them sometime. Z does need a refill. I just wish I hadn't freaked out and told them my life story. I was hoping they would stop being so critical of me. We live through the ugly parts right? I need a good joke to break the ice. Tell me your best save face routine.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

To Who or not to Who......That is the question.. I was offered a ticket to the see the Who at the Hollywood Bowl. THIS SUNDAY! I don't think I can go. Or Should I try hard to make it happen? If I don't go, I'll get a phone call and hear Athena via cell phone. I ran away from re-hab once. ( I wasn't supposed to be there.) It was a wild night in Minneapolis and I wound up at some concert. I didn't know who it was. So trying to find out WHO it was......( you've seen that who's on first rountine?) For some reason Athena cheered me up. I was able to return to re-hab and start lieing about my drug use so I could get the privlage of my blow dryer. ( Ok and hot rollers) I had another spontaneous concert experience. It happend when I got on a radio station party buss. I said, I'm a winner. I Wound up in Milwalkee at a James Taylor concert. I had no idea who he was until we got inside. I knew some of the songs. I was underage and almost got busted because I missed a triva question on the party buss. I need to make new memories. I just don't know if I can jump on the party buss anymore.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Alright, here is the trick to eating one piece of candy. You take one small bar of dark chocolate take a nibble and let it melt slowly. Follow it with a small sip of the best single malt scotch . An ounce or two that has been blessed with a few drops of high quality water. Let the flavors rumble around your closed mouth until your nose is hit with vapors and aromas.........then repeat. It's enough, I promise. Sometimes it's cool when you have to play dad as well as mom. That's a Happy Halloween!