My New Earth work is actually on twiiter.com/BookClubClass It's a text messaging book club. In case you came here from the Oprah website and were wondering where it all is. I'll bring my New Earth Work over here because, I guess this is where it's meant to be. Welcome to Jippyjabber! PS I am auntjippy on the Oprah message boards.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
I hope I get good news today. I have my fingers crossed. I might be able to get normal sleep and recover my will to live. I am on the five year plan. Some where there is a man on the plan. I had a man claiming to be interested in me. He wanted in and I let him have some of my time on the phone. He was anxious to go out. I met him buying a lotto ticket. Until we talked about my son. He asked me if Z would live a normal life. Actually he assumed that Z would have a normal life and I corrected him. I cherish what I have, it's hard but it's mine. SO the guy told me I was wasting his fucking time. He litterally told me I had wasted his time and hung up on me. What an asshole! It' s no wonder I always want to blame it on my fat ass than have this type of bullshit in my life. I know a bunch of guys would feel this way but I would rather not KNOW that they feel this way. I don't blame the attittude it's a huge deal. I mean do have to rip me apart for it? I can't date during the holidays anyway. I am on the five year plan with Zachary. As long as I don't let this completely swallow me up I might be able to manage this with some success. I want more than anything to see Zach's suffering stop. I honestly would give up anything in the world for that. I am off today to spend the day at the Hosp. Today. getting results from the sleep study test. I got the appointment moved up so now I don't have to get the news during the holidays. I wasn't sure if I would be able to blog today so I stole something fun just in case. Life is better now that I have more to do. I love Final Cut Pro!! Funny how that works.
I stole this from www.mathematical-recreation.blogspot.com
It's a mathematical trick. Tell the person (or class) to think of their birthday...and that you are going to guess it.
Step 1) Have them take the month number from their birthday: January = 1, Feb = 2 etc.
Step 2) Multiply that by 5
Step 3) Then add 6
Step 4) Then multiply that total by four
Step 5) Then add 9
Step 6) Then multiply this total by 5 once again
Step 7) Finally, have them add to that total the day they were born on. If they were born on the 18th, they add 18, etc.
Have them give you the total. In your head, subtract 165, and you will have the month and day they were born on!
How It Works: Let M be the month number and D will be the day number. After the seven steps the expression for their calculation is:
5 (4 (5 M + 6 ) + 9 ) + D = 100 M + D + 165
Thus, if you subtract off the 165, what will remain will be the month in hundreds plus the day!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Because Zach has a mitichondrail disorder, his cells loose energy fast. He needs carbs and sugar to help him function. He can't fast for more than three hours. He was up all night last night and finally sleep this morning. He slept past the three hour mark and no way was I waking him up to drink some juice. For some strange reason he slept most of the day. Wow! I am so happy. It is weird but after so long with out food candy is the best thing for him. HE is sucking on some Jolly Ranchers and I still have all the good mother integrity I need. How Ironic it all turns out to be. My sister invited us over for dinner and while it's breakfast for us, I am all for it. My niece will cook something special for Zach and we'll listen to the holiday music. I only hope to get off this vampire schedule before New Years! Tomorrow I go to the Hosp and get the results of a 48 hour brain wave study. I am worried, and I want to say Knoweledge is power but first you have to freak out a little bit. I think it's the law. Allow some time to freaking be overwhelmed by more medical crap and then have some tea and comtemplate how this knoweledgge is helpful. One thing I know for sure no mater what they found, I have in a sense, already been dealing with it. So, give it a name and maybe some meds and we move forward. Hopefully into normal sleep patterns and fruit for breakfast. This is my dream.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
I was happy to read on the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration that they are reccommending new shipping routes to protect the endangerd Right Whale. These common sense actions used to be so hottly debated. I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. If you go see the NOAA website ( You can use my link on the sidebar to the right) you can actually see the hole in the ozone at the top and bottom of the earth. That means there are two holes. What it took to get us to put down the aqua net, but we did it.
I put my plastic bottles in a seperate bag. I sometimes put five bucks in the bag too. Then my son and I watch as a very determinded very old man digs through the trash out back and scores when he finds all the water bottles and ok the occassional beer bottles and maybe a few soda cans. We found a way to make it cool for us.
My nephew bitches me out when he sees me throw out the plastic piece that holds a six pack together. "How could you?" "How could you, Aunt Jippy?" I just laugh because I only do it for his reaction. He grabs it out of the trash and cuts it up and tells me about the sea lions and the oceans. I just laugh and am incredibly proud. Little good things that become a way of life and it's comfortable to us now. Like the new shipping lanes. I am sure in a few years the Mariners, the Captians will be confortable in the new course. And proud that this is a course that saves the Right Whales. Yeah!
Monday, November 27, 2006
My Nanny Blew me off today. She called twice earlier, didn't leave a message. I have called her and text message her and so far no reply. The problem with this is that I schedule to do things today thinking that i have help. Actually the problem is that I put off doing something thinking I would be able to do it today. When it's just me, I know I have to do it all and I act differently. I don't expect to be able to do anything on my own. I just integrate Zach's life into my mine. It is always challenging but it's rewarding to be getting somewhere. Nanny just called me , the housekeeper didn't do her laundry and she doesn't have anything to wear so she isn't coming. LOL
Sunday, November 26, 2006
I got a call from a friend of mine last night. I'll call him Peter becasue he is a reclusive artist. He was contacted from a film maker wanting to use one of his songs in her film. He seemed really open to the idea.
As the conversation went along, I mentioned I needed music for my documentary. He actually thanked me for the opportunity. I was shocked! In the past he claimed that his creative process would not allow him to score a film. So I never consider him for my musical needs.
I have suggested that he try nurturing the creative process and possibly letting it expand or grow. I am very excited to take my painting to another level. I know it's painful to be bad at something or to be, not good while learning, but it's the journey remember!!
I am excited about the possibility of Peter making the music for my documentary. He is a great communicator and always understands my point of view, while gently offering another higher minded vision. Also, I am very happy to feel a sense of collaboration on this project. What a happy surprise. Music is important in film but in my documentary it will be vital.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Zibby Payne & The Wonderful, Terrible Tomboy Experiment. Written by Alison Bell.
Turns out to be a gift of Inspiration.
As I arrived at my sisters for Turkey Day she hands me a cute little book. I mean it's litterally cute and little. It's a Lobster Press publication for the tween scene. I looked at the cover and you see the skirt part of a pink frilly dress and pink argile socks with green converse style high tops. Nice, is this another joke about my arrested developemt? About the time when I was a tween and had to wear a dress and a baseball hat while ridding the three wheeled motor bike in an endless figure eight in the field next door? I had the time of my life punching it over the gofer holes. My question then was, if I am such a "Tomboy" then why don't I get along with boys? I mean even if I was a boy I would not run after a snake just when someone has fallen down and gotten hurt. I didn't know where to fit in. I turned to books back then and I tell you the Zibby Payne and the Wonderful, Terrilble Tomboy Experiment would have really spoke to me. A girl trying to figure it out on the fly and things making sense in your mind but not playing that out in the world just as you had hoped it would. If you Know any tween girls this will be great in as a stocking stuffer. Waiting for the next book in the series is going to be torture for them but Alison Bell has written some other books 'Let's Party' and 'What's your Style?' You might give them a try. www.lobsterpress.com
As I was checking the book out for my blogging purpose I notice a hand written note a few pages into the book. On the Tilte page it is written.... 11-17-06 To Jippy Best of luck in your writting career- we writers must stick together, Alison Bell.
Turns out that my sister and Alison both in their busy lives have taken time to give me the gift of inspiration. I hardly know Alison but she always takes the time to express compassion for my situation with wanting a career but first being a single mom to a special needs child. I can tell that she asks my sister how I am doing. That's not " hollywood nice" that's real nice.
Thanks Alison and Thanks Sistah!
Friday, November 24, 2006
It's been said that on average we consume 3,000 calories on a typical Thanksgiving Day. How did I spend my 3,000? When a brother in law (to be) is from France and he worked in a bakery growing up. There is one word that sums it all up. Truffle. Boosie Gran Manier Truffels. The rest of my 3,000 was well spent on mashed patatoes, pie and wine. I know Truffels and Pie? Can you believe my mom went all the way to Juliane to get pies? If you have ever been there or had these pies you'd belive it. About the wine drinking. I did drink too much to start bragging about the good drink served. Give me something wonderful up front and then I'd be fine with Mad Dog after that. ( If you know what Mad Dog is or have ever drank it, you are in my secret club "Ditching Days")
I didn't get drunk but one of my sisters did. Ha ha, it was funny! We saw her closing in on my other brother in law ( an offical one.) We heard something about Love and his parents and then we heard the same thing again. So Kathryn decides to throw out a "Honey Do," to save her man. The flaw in the plan? Honey, Can you please get me a class of wine! Which meant opening another bottle. OOPs!
In her, " I am not even drunk yet" concern to bring food to her son, Sister packed up all of the leftovers like the Grinch before Christmas. I spent the night there last night and all through out the day today we'd hear, " the cranberry sauce ! she even took all of the cranberry sauce." All that I could think of was my other sister draggng her ass out of bed and opening the fridge to a huge bowl of Cranberry sauce and wondering what the hell am I doing with this?
Christmas, bring it on!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
I 've been playing phone tag with a long lost friend. It doesn't make sense that we are friends and some people don't like it. They certainly don't understand it. It was a time and space thing. He has cyctic fibrosis and thought he'd be dead before he was twenty eight. I have a son with an illness. So even though the illness wasn't in my body, I understood how it controlled his life. We just get it. That's all we have in common but it was huge for both of us. He is young and gay and finally getting over partying and getting into to his college classes. This is how i've been defined for the past twelve years. Zach's mom. It's even on the plates of my car. Zach's mom.
I've been trying to integrate a little more Jippy back into the equation. Sometimes it starts by talking to people who really know who you are. So I am dying to have coffee with an old friend. It's been phone tag. Finally he calls me today while I'm out to coffee with another old friend. He was happy for me but had to tell me how many times he's listened to my voicemail because I sound so good. Trust me, I know what he meant by that. Gay or not i have what it takes. He knows the story so he was probably teasing me too.
We both used to try every scheme to make money while staying home because we had too. Over Turkish coffee, I told Sasa my most embarrassing job story. I was on the verge of getting a job on a telephone customer service line. This was going to be a great job for me. I have worked as a credit manager for a large import export company and could resolve issues diplomaticallly. I looked forward to being challeged and really I just wanted to work. I called into the company for my final interview.
The receptionist was nice and transfered my call to her supervisor right away. Apparently, she thought she knew why I was calling. It turned out that this company had another telephone service division. It was a phone sex line! I was not prepared for that interview! You have to keep the men on the line as long as possible. Well, for the most part it will be men. Are you able to handle it if it's a women calling? uhhh??? I'm sorry, I'm confused. We were both very embarrassed and unable to stop laughing. I'm afriad our receptionist made a mistake and transfered you to the wrong division. I said, yes, she has, and tell her I said, Thanks for the compliment. Have a good day mam, goodbye. I'm still laughing over it, and that sounds good to me!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I just learned how to get the pic properly on this blog. In this I promise to print out my entire blog and to proof read it. I promise to learn how to reformat my pictures so I can put a pic up. A pic of me? Maybe I will get a good one during the Holidays. I am usually found behind the cameras. I am excited I am getting Final Cut Pro to work on my DVD. It a promo for my documenatary. I need a couple of projects and it helps if one of them is something visual. Today I am going to check out all of the sales. Why not?? The Nanny is on her way over. A day at the movies for Zach and I will get some serious cleaning and writing done. Also I am going to eat a lot of healthy food today and not be too hungry tomorrow. I think YOU on a Diet is working. Basically you don't eat hgh fruitose corn syrup or enriched flour. You have to walk a minamum of 10,000. steps.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Depending how far gone I am this plan varies, so I have listed the options I give myself. Three days is usually great and if I haven't been too bad one day can save me from going too far down. It's a goal of mine to learn to bouce back fast. To learn to get my work done or at least try to do anything no mattter what life hits me with. It has a lot to do with food because I learned that I starved myself fat and lethargic.
1) Nothing, litterally stop my mind from thinking about anything.
1) Talk to my best friend.
2) Add Emer'gen-C electro mix to my water and drink at least three of them through out the day.
2) Convince myself My treadmill needs to be serviced and I risk injury to get on it. Nothing makes me more tired than guilt for not working out.
3) Drink Probiotic Kefir for breakfast. Right now I am into Pomegranate.
3) If I haven't been stressed out and eating junk I 'll have a protien shake with raw cocoa nibs.
4) Snack through out the day on Grapefruit, fresh pineapple or Almonds and dried blueberries. Be aware that I am doing something good here.
4) Garlic stuffed olives or Wasa crackers with humus. This is great if you are trying to revover from a sugar binge.
5) For lunch I have vitamins, a turkey, avacado, cheese, tomato, sandwhich on a sprouted grain bread. Fresh lemon water.
6) A snappy nap. Convince myself I can take care of all of my worries later but right now I have to sleep for twelve or twenty.
7 Listen to self help or motivational audio book ( a short one and nothing lame like I love myelf just as I am becasue I really don't) I clean up my creative space. Arrange my paints or get my pens together. Anything that supports my process.
7) Egg white scramble with garlic, spinache, fresh basil with a glass of OJ or cranberry juice.
8) I tell myself that I don't have to finish this project or anything -who knows what I really need to work on? I do need to breathe well, So I make sure my gut goes out when I breathe in and then when I got this breathing thing down I shift my eyes up and to the right it's what we naturally do when we tell the truth. Then I fuck around with my mind until I feel really ridiculous. Holding out hope that I may have helped no matter how insane I have become.
8) Detox tea and list all the dysfunctional people I know. Try to blame them for why I am so fucked up and tired.
9) Remember I have been here before and it passed. While I wait I hope I might get lucky and I go get a lotto ticket and a protien candy bar.
9) Convince myself that I must watch this moive to get myelf back into the mood of my work. Then I steal three or four of Zach's gluten free ginger snaps. I focus really hard so I still have the cookies with me when I get back to the couch.
10) A cup of tea with non fat sugar free vanilla milk and I think of what my kid looks like when he's sleeping imagine him sleeping with his dog Bruno. The dog I promised to get him and then I'll be free to happily get my work done in this perfect little rythm of life. How nice it will be.
10) Steel cut oatmeal with sugar free maple syrup or absolute real maple syrup. Wonder if I could ever drink syrup and lemon water for a week. It was recomended on a recent detox fad. I'd rather get back on the treadmill and try to deal with sweating.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
I was just so relieved that I wasn't alone trying to help Zach anymore. I think it was Post traumatic crying. These guys are super human.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
He takes them to a taxidermist.
He brings in the squirrels and he really doesn't know what to say.
So the guy in the shop looks at him and says, Do you want them mounted?
The man replies, No, holding hands will do.
Again, A joke from my sister Meg!
More about Meg,
I am really really sorry if referring to her as "the updater" in my computer call post was seen in any negative light. She recently tried to stay on the phone with me beyond the update staus and into jugleing a call and her life. I wondered why is she staying on the line? Perhaps she reads my blog? No comments from her though.......Just so you all know....... I always know Meg is busy. She had high standards for her family and her job. She does everything well. She is smart and the person I ask for advise.
I could not live with out my updates. I love hearing from my sister Meg, and will take any bit of time from her busy life.
She is an inspiration to me as a mother and a sister. In my darkest moments the phone has rang and Meg somehow knew she had to call me. Woke her up out of a sound sleep. One time Meg called a phone booth at the Hospital, Just when my husband was walking by and I was in labor???? I'll take Meg's calls anyway they come.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Before I got my Costco card, I used to stop in the Dollar store and
check out if they had any purified bottles of water. It's necessary for
Zachary. Not spring water but the pure stuff. I usually get some Crest,
Ajax, and Panteen while I am there too. I mean what the hell it's the
same stuff for a buck. It helps when I throw down close to a hundred
for a pair of shoes for a growing boy. This particular time they only
had the huge two and half gallon bottle with the sprocket. The fun kind
that goes in your fridge and your child can stand there and create a
mini pool on the floor for his artic seal and polar bear toys. I hate
carrying these things up a flight of stairs with my bag of all things
and corralling my son up and into our home. I Promised myself I would
not buy more than I can get up and into my place in one trip. It just
isn't worth it. It's a little better now but once Zach got home he'd be
ready to express his frustration from being out and about. So why
couldn't I just buy one thing of water? Yes, it's a nice price for
water but I hate these sprockets because zach finds them so much fun. I
must have done the equivalent of Arms of steel lifting the second thing
of water in and out of my cart. I left it and went to the toy section
and told Zach he could have any one he wanted. Those were the days. I
just like leaving there spending only five bucks. But no, I walked all
the way back to the water and got that one that I used for training.
One more heave hoe and I am back to my confusion, Why can't I stick to
my own rules? So I compromise with myself. I put one of the waters in
the seat next to me buckle it in and I'll get it out tomorrow. The
other one is in place for me to grab it as I get Zach and his stuff to
come with me inside. I wasn't going home yet. I still had to get
downtown Los Angeles and if I didn't get a move on it, I'd be stuck in
traffic on my way home. A new toy in for Zach was just the thing to
keep him occupied on while on the freeway. I made it downtown but Z
didn't want to get out of the car. I had to wait until he would
cooperate to get upstairs and meet with a regional center worker. What
a night mare just getting Zach into the building. Once again I am
feeling hopeless. The worker knows my future and with out knowing it
she told me it's going to be hard. I just don't want to be helpless and
a burden. I always felt a sense of destiny to help. I just had so much
compassion and empathy. I just didn't want to be the needy one. So I am
building up my grudge towards god and I am stuck on the freeway. It's
not moving. It's crawling at the slowest pace I have ever seen after
years of being on this freeway. I think I see something up ahead as I
move over to get off I wonder if this problem up a head is blocking my
exit and then I will be here for hours. It's a gamble but with Zach I
have to get off the road before he reaches his limit. Yes, he' s in a
car seat but he has gotten out leaving his diaper down around his
ankles. He is a little Houdini. He is also a little Tasmanian Devil. I
am finding it hard to breathe as visions of our last freeway incident
plays in my mind. I was driving back from Orange County and Zach got
out of his car seat and over the into the front seat in an instant. He
was in so much pain and uncontrollable that he was thrashing about hit
his head on the windshield and broke it. I was in a construction zone
and was sure I was going to die. So I needed to get to the exit.
I have realized I had no control and I just surrendered to the moment. I could see the
guy on the side of the road. His car was on the island between my lane
and an on ramp. Cars still emptying on to this freeway and not getting
too far. It was slowing down and things stoped cars stuck on the on
ramp. This guy was standing there holding the radiator cap and the
steam piping out of his car. I reach over opened the passener side door. He looks at me,
looks inside my car, I unbuckle the water, he reaches in takes the
suitcase of water and shuts my door just as I slowly creep bye totally
in syn with the pace of traffic. I just couldn't believe it! Neither of us
ever said one word!
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Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Off one hook and on the another. Here I was worried about emails I had
sent off to Zac's doctors. I wrote them in a haze round 4am. I really
did not want to talk about the e-mails. I was so embarrassed. I went
last week and the receptionist had told me the wrong date. So, I had to
go through the dread all over again. Of course it turned out to be a
long wait. I have waited as long as four hours to see these docs. It's
a long time in a small room. You really want to be angry. When you see
strollers passing by that look like mac trucks carrying three or four
machines and one tiny little person you suddenly have patents you
didn't know you had. So maybe they have a good reason to be so late. It
wasn't too bad we waited just about two hours and we kept the door
cracked so we didn't feel like we were running out of air. They had an
intern with them so I figured they weren't going to get into it with
me. Until they asked her to leave. Oh fuck. I am ready to apologize.
"We've read over your emails and just want you to know we understand
your concerns." Ah what? Ah who? This is a couple of great doctors and
very decent human beings. I have not come across that combination too
often. The funny thing is, I did myself a favor ( so I thought) and
never re read those late night emails. I wasn't exactly sure what I had
wrote! I felt like I was in an improv class. He's say something
regarding my "concerns" and I'd reply mostly expressing regret from
writing them with gratitude for all that they have done for Zach and I.
One doc in particular wanted me to know how he understood. How they not
only there to help Zach but me too. Oh boy I could use some help!
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Saturday, November 11, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
I am CYA for NaBloPoMo.... Hope I am back with a long post tonight. If not I am comforting Z.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The next story is a dance of synchronization and I am not sure but even telekinesis. You'll have to come back tomorrow for the story. I have to get dinner for Zach and I have to dye my hair tonight.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
I am tired. I am on detox tea. I have to go get healthy food before I give up and eat out of convience. Something from Zach's snack drawer is sounding good and easy. There is no perfect place for my treadmill either. It's still a treadmill no matter where I put it. I think audio books are better than trying to watch a movie. Any I Tunes suggestions for the treadmill?? Help me please, I keep choosing things like the grammer girl poscast. I love her but I don't retain things while on the treadmill. I heard that mysteries keep you moving. Is it ture? What is good to listen too? I have this gorgeous red sweater and I don't want to be mistaken for Santa himself come Christmas. It's 90 degrees out here today. I can't understand the weather. GLobal warming or Indian summer? I know there are pretty trees out east but I am doing all of my Christmas shopping in shorts. So yeah, cry me a fucking river.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
A man and a women are in bed sleeping. When they hear a knock on the door.
Honey, she says, "Go get the door"
Man reluctantly gets out of bed and heads downstairs to the front door. He opens the door to find a stranger outside.
Stranger, " Hey, man, sorry to bother you but do you think you can give me a push?"
Man, "No" Shuts door and heads back to bed.
Woman, "what was it?" Man, " Some guy asking for a push."
Woman, "You mean you didn't help him?"
Woman, " Remember when we were on the side of the road and those people stopped to help us?" " I don't believe you, go help him!"
Man goes back outside and looks around and yells out into the dark, " Where are you?"
Stranger answers, " Over here on the swings."
It takes Meg to tell the joke to really make you laugh until you pee........she just loves telling a good joke. I did the best I could...... PLEASE LEAVE A JOKE FOR ME IF YOU HAVE ONE!!! Or let me know if you get me via Randomizer.......thanks!
Saturday, November 04, 2006
BOOKS ON MY DESK RIGHT NOW......The Bitter truth!
I am moving my treadmill so it's kind of a big pile right now.
Write The Perfect book Proposal by Jeff Herman and Deborah Levine Herman
Scriabin A Biography by Faubion Bowers
The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh
In Fact The Best Of Creative Nonfiction Edited by Lee Gutkind
The Associated Press Guide to Internet Research and Reporting
Liars, Lovers, and Heroes What the New Brain Science reveals About How we Become Who We Are By Steven R. Quartz, Ph.D & Terrence J. Sejnowski, Ph. D.
Genetics for dummies
Cliffs Quickreview Writing: Grammar, Usage, and Style
Virgil The Aeneid
Mensa Book of Literary Quizzes by Dr. Abbie F Salny
Charting Presidential Elections by Sylvia De Long
The Bangs Sisters and their Precipitated Spirit Portraits by Irene Swann
The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry
A Beautiful Mind the shooting script by Akiva Goldsman
How to Write a Movie in 21 Days the inner movie method by Viki King
Guerrilla Creativity Make your message irresistible with the Power of Memes by Jay Conrad Levinson
The Art of Civilized Conversation by Margaret Shepherd with Sharon Hogan
In Woods & Forests Be An Animal detective
A SPECIAL PILE LEFT TO ME FROM GRANDMA WITH HER HANDWRITTEN NOTES STILL IN THEM......
How the Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill
The New American Bible ( I think the bible used at my brothers funeral)
My Meditation on the Gospel
My Daily Bread
Oh Geeze......there is my cable bill! Sorry, I just can't dig any deeper. I don't want a late fee! : )
Tell me, What books are on your desk right now?
Friday, November 03, 2006
If you don't know what I mean ........Go to the NaBloPoMo site http://www.fussy.org If you find me via randomizer please leave a note of it. I am curious.....
I have drama with a couple of Docs at Children's Hosp. I have to go face them tomorrow. I mean today. It's all in my head but that is the worst kind of drama. Well, I did send a couple of emails that I regret. LOL Wish me luck. It would be very bad if I cancel and I have to face them sometime. Z does need a refill. I just wish I hadn't freaked out and told them my life story. I was hoping they would stop being so critical of me. We live through the ugly parts right? I need a good joke to break the ice. Tell me your best save face routine.