My New Earth work is actually on It's a text messaging book club. In case you came here from the Oprah website and were wondering where it all is. I'll bring my New Earth Work over here because, I guess this is where it's meant to be. Welcome to Jippyjabber! PS I am auntjippy on the Oprah message boards.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I am glad I fell apart and put everything back together in a little better order than it was before.
One thing I have learned is to support my own process.

I was ready for today and it was a tuff one. I was so glad I had things ready and waiting for me during this hard time for Zach.
At one point his breathing seemed to be short and hard. I got him to relax and it stopped and came back one more time.
I am waiting to find out if this is related to new medication........

I have to look up what a normal pulse rate for his age is..... I am glad he gets the EKG next week.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I Dream of Sidney Sheldon. Doot Doot.... Doot Doot Doot Doot..... Doot

OMG, How I used to stand in my room and cross my arms, squint my eyes and fling my ponytail..... it never ever worked!
My room was still a mess and I had to clean it all up with no magic. I still dreamed of being Jeanie.
It didn't help that I lived near Cap Canaveral and bought into the whole world he created.

I took some stuff from the WP

Washington Post

But before his career in fiction took off after turning 50, the Chicago native had made his mark in Hollywood movies and television and in Broadway theater.

After heading to Los Angeles at 17, he started as script reader at major studios, and then had three Broadway musical hits by the age of 25.

His big break came five years later in 1948 when he won an Academy Award for original screenplay for "The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer" starring Cary Grant and Myrna Loy.

Working as a screenwriter at both MGM and Paramount Pictures, Sheldon went on to write 25 films including "Easter Parade," showcasing Judy Garland and Fred Astaire, "Annie Get Your Gun," "Jumbo," and "Anything Goes," featuring Bing Crosby.

In 1963, he turned to the fledgling television industry as screenwriter for "The Patty Duke Show" and followed up in 1964 by creating, producing and writing the hit show "I Dream of Jeannie."
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55% plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs let me konw.

I got this as a viral email. I can total read this...... I am twisted! LOL

Monday, January 29, 2007

Zach's room. I have him convinced it's the best teenager room ever! LOL He's a collector. He dosen't open all of his toys.
He is starting to play more with his toys and it's awesome!

PS Posting these pIcs was suggested by Amy

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

In honor of Screenwriter New Year. I thought I would look up the first woman to win an Oscar for writing.
That's her on the right. Frances Marion. She is the first women to win an oscar for original screenplay. She won the second Oscar and the third Oscar ever given for writing.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.
You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance

Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

I stole this from Get Real

Friday, January 26, 2007

I am constantly talking to the blogger world in my head. It very nice because I don't feel so alone.
zach's been hanging in there and I am veiwing this as a good time and preparing for -not for a bad time, but just supporting our life with organization. He constantly needs cold water. Anyone have time to invent a bedside water bottle holder/cooler.
Perferably matching with the cars theme..

I 've got Zach convinced that he's the luckiest teenager in the world and he had the best room. I tell him to get out of my room and he gets the idea that it's his room. It's very cute. Then he started bringing some of his books out and putting them on my shelves and sitting on my bed. So I kicked him out. ( in a very joking way) He didn't fall apart like he normally would have and so I just think he's ready for this.

I need to get him the story about the boy who cried wolf!

Right now I am loving Zachary enjoying his "cars room" the "teenager room"......

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Day three of the new pill and he's starting to complain of the pain. It's great that he is verbal about it. Twice he was on the verge of breaking through the pain. He was grimacing and just keeping himself contained. When they said all of his symptons would get worse........ I hated the idea but I didn't grasp it. He's barely able to put his foot down. He was rubbing his foot all night.

Tues. I sent the nanny home. She's texting and watching TV.... I can't deal with it. She's just interferring with my momentum. I can't start my day waiting to see when she will call and then how long it will take her to show up. I am starting to get so much more done knowing it's all on me. I'm going structure her time with Zach better. She starts a new semester soon and I already told her I was looking for someone else to help out. We do love her so maybe well just have her on Fridays and Mondays for errands.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I've been a bit of a pain in the ass over on her blog Planet Pooks I don't know why I find it so funny that she truly likes football. he he She likes football too.......... A family story ....well, moving on from that.

I learned about the green mile from Pooks on her website. It's part of the reason why I faced the music and ordered the bigger wheel chair for Zachary. You'll find this on her site on the side bar under a picture of a bike, "*Green miles are miles/trips that I ordinarily would have driven, but cycled instead to help save the planet!" It got me thinking of why I love living here. Zach and I could go months without getting into the car. Except trips to the hosp. We could walk to the grocery store, the book store, and Target. The last time we walked to Target, I could not get him home and I had to push him home in a shopping cart. The owner of a little cafe we frequent saw me and gave me some rags for Zach to bite on so he didn't reopen the wounds on his hands. I was too scared to be embarrassed about the shopping cart. I guess it's kind of funny now. Me hauling ass home with my son the Tasmanian Devil in the bright red Target cart. OMG..... Ever since then I've been driving, even five blocks to get a latte. I tried pushing him to the bookstore in the old wheel chair but my back could not take it. It was too low and he was getting a little scruntched in there...... LOL
Why not get the bigger chair and push him around town a bit? It would be our version of the green mile. Green BLocks! It's really perfect weather out here in California for green blocks. There is one place that we have never walked too. One of his favorite restaraunts. A green, green block. ( LaLaLa lame)

I am anxious to get some green blocks in before the new medication kicks in............... If it turns out that this low dose and slow increase makes it more managable. Maybe we'll get the off roading wheel chair. On the other hand if the medication really works........ I'll make him push me.......LOL

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I am going to go look up the The ScreenWriters New Year

At this time of year I always swear that I'll finish my script by this time next year.

Go ahead and laugh I laugh too.

It's a routine now. I like doing it. I have to do it. Even if it's complete bullshit. I'll light my own light at the end of the tunnel.

Here we go.......... This time next year, I'll be shopping around a script that I am very proud of.

I guess that means I do intend to care some point...... hmmmmmm maybe I do already.

Happy New Year to all you Screenplay Writers!

Do you know that our New Years celebration starts today and ends February 25th. That's a lot of champagne and take out.

Oh is that weird I drink champagne ( it's not always really champagne ) and watch the oscars? I make a toast to the winner of best screenplay. I hope it's to you one day. Then I can say..... Hey! I read her blog! The Show Must Go On and her blog Planet Pooks and her blog Celluloid blonde LOL Now that's excitemet and worth wishing for!

I know we don't write to win anything but from now until the big annoucements. People know we are out here. Hoping we do something that will be really entertaining. Maybe create a great role for someone. Introduce us to a part of ourselves.......

I know you are out there. Working hard. Torturing yourself. And yes, of course I truly believe it's all for my viewing pleasure. The audience of one. All good movies give you that feeling.

Here is the other good thing about a long New Years Celebration.

I haven't seen one.....not one of these movies......

Adapted screenplay
“Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” (20th Century Fox)
Screenplay by Sacha Baron Cohen & Anthony Hines & Peter Baynham & Dan Mazer
Story by Sacha Baron Cohen & Peter Baynham & Anthony Hines & Todd Phillips
“Children of Men” (Universal)
Screenplay by Alfonso Cuarón & Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby
“The Departed” (Warner Bros.)
Screenplay by William Monahan
“Little Children” (New Line)
Screenplay by Todd Field & Tom Perrotta
“Notes on a Scandal” (Fox Searchlight)
Screenplay by Patrick Marber

Original screenplay
“Babel” (Paramount and Paramount Vantage)
Written by Guillermo Arriaga
“Letters from Iwo Jima” (Warner Bros.)
Screenplay by Iris Yamashita
Story by Iris Yamashita & Paul Haggis
“Little Miss Sunshine” (Fox Searchlight)
Written by Michael Arndt
“Pan’s Labyrinth” (Picturehouse)
Written by Guillermo del Toro
“The Queen” (Miramax, Pathé and Granada)
Written by Peter Morgan

Monday, January 22, 2007

I am really sorry but I have to ryme

I tend to do this when I am having a hard time

I have no idea how this got started

It's from a past life, when I wasn't as hard hearted

It doesn't matter what it's all about

it happens when I am overwhelmed with fear and doubt

It makes me laugh even when I am so fucked up

I wish I would have moved and gotten zach his little lab pup

Now I have to do it while he is still getting sick

He's blinking his eyes, I think he's got a new tic

I have to be alarmed enough to actually make the move

But keep his routine going perfectly smooth

That is also something that strikes me as funny

Not however adding up the costs and coming up with the money

Because he gets his insurance from the government

I am not allowed to make more than I need for my rent

If insurance could not exclude a pre existing condition

I would not be in this fucked up financial position

It makes sense if I could just get a little more work

unfortuneately if I get polictical I come off as a freaking jerk

Just in case you are wondering I am not on welfare

Still they care how much money I make and from where

How many people were convicted of fraud

Is that why they have all these laws that seem so odd

But what if I wasn't in America, what if I was living in Iraq

How the hell would it be to have a son like Zach

Yet, how many Americans are uninsured

living with ailments that can be cured

I am not sure how, but I hope things can get better

I know it takes more than voting and writng a letter

I really wasn't going to leave this as a post

But then I'd have to say I post everyday.......almost

Sunday, January 21, 2007

We are still floating down the river in Egypt....yeah, yeah, De Nile.......

So I told my sister that I might get ear plugs like the ones on Greys Anatomy. Because it's the sound of his pain that has me wanting to throw up my whole life. So she says, I don't know why you are going to do it. ....... so I think this is kind of funny but she's not laughing.... so I have to consider this for a moment. I told her Zach has a bald spot on his head. When his kidneys failed and his liver failed.... well the whole rabdomyalisis thing ......he lost a bunch of hair..... most of it has grown back but a small roudn spot is still missing. He has hair that covers it. I could take him in for a series of shots in the head, right in the bald spot to try and see if ......IF his hair will grow back........ So, I am not doing it. He might be mad at me one day and I might be mad at me one day.....but I am not doing it. It's different with WALKING .........

You have to understand. I worry about my son suffering. She worries about me suffering. From her pont of view she has to see us go through this. Also, we know someone who has a child with special needs and she just walked away. I can't judge. If I become so messed up that the best thing for Zach is for me to walk away..... then I hope I have the sanity to see it and the strength to do it. ( Bullshit, I'll never do it.)

What the fuck he's going to get worse with puberty anyway so take the medicine at the same time and gut it out and hopefully his leg will improve.

I have one more happy day because we start the medicine at night. I think I will take him to famous cupcakes

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Rebel........... we are having one hell of a weekend. We are not starting the medicine until Monday ngiht. So excuse me while I go live it up with Zach...ummmm..... while we still can. I took him all over the place looking for the piston cup lamp from the movie cars....( I will put up picture later) we finally found it and he got to eat Cheese its for dinner........ more hot wheels and mom at his beck and call......

Just give us these two days to play and then we will hunker down and take our medicine.

Makes all the difference in the world.

Friday, January 19, 2007

I knew I needed to make room for something.....Yeah, well, it's not for my writing. I care about my story. I don't always care if I write it. I hardly care if I write it well. I was the little girl that always said, Tell me a story! I need a place to go in my mind. I need a world to hide in. That's what movies do for me now. I can't think of one good one right now. I need to find one. That's the problem with me......I always want a new story. I want a new story, tell me another one. I want something to carry me away for a while. You know the time it takes to watch a movie is the perfect amount of time for vacationing from your own reality. Too much of a break and fuck it is too hard to come back.

The new wheel chair is awesome. It rolls and you have to keep up with it. The old one you had to really push.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

I learned that this chair will be in my life a lot longer than I thought.

I learned that in order to help his leg, I have to give him medication that will make everything else worse.

I learned that it might take us 8 months to get him up to the best dose.

I learned that there is something wrong with his eyes.

I learned that he will have fainting, fatigue, depression, and all of the other symptoms will get worse from puberty.

I learned that he had has seven unexplainable or not very well understood medical conditions.

Mytochondrial disorder

Pain aplification disorder


Complex Regional Pain Disorder in his leg with foot drop



Rabdomyalosis ( twice so far which means it probably will happen again)

One doctor told me, in his clever little way of saying things, that he's never had a patient with _ _ _ _ and ___ so we don't know what will happen......Then we all laughed like crazy people. We laughed a lot becuase he knows it heals me. It brings me up, so the bad news just knocks me down to normal.

Oh and we need an EKG with in two weeks because heart trouble including failure is our biggest concern right now.

I know the EKG will be fine. Look at him he's too cool.....His heart is made of gold. He's helping me look for Coke Blak

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

I am definetly moving. I can't do this on the second floor. It has to be. But the new medication, we tried that once already. It's bad and I'll spare myself by moving on.........

I am ready......I can get ready for everything but........ I have to keep breathing when he's suffering. I have to channel the good and I can't feel everthing that he has to feel. I must do this differently. I can not bare his pain. I don't know how he does it. I do not know how he can have such a love for life. He's so happy. He loves Hot wheel cars.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Hospital Day........ We have three appointments and it will be a long day. Got the new wheel chair just in time.

hmmmmm was I freaking out yesterday in anticipation of their scrutiny??

ALso..... Zach isn't doing well. rrrrrrr He's not breaking through the pain medication he is not having pain episodes and hurting himself. This is a huge improvement. HUGE.

He just has no energy. It scares me to see him so weak. I am struggeling to read about the mitochondrial disorders.
There isn't much out there and most of it is written for a genius reader..... ( need I say more?)
I am guessing he is having a growth spurt and it uses all of his rescources ( cell energy) and so he's exhausted from growing.
I am pushing juice and soda on him so we've stayed off the IVS...... HUGE improvement...... : )

For the record I love these doctors and Childrens hospital. I used to hate those scenes in movies where they gush all over the doctor ........ they are still cheesey but I do get it now...... I really do!

I am confident Zach's blood test will be good and then he'll get a flu shot.... and then a toy......

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I think you can dismiss bad things. I think you can just move on and ignore them. It's really quite nice to be able to do that.
At this place with Zachary it takes more than I have to give. Not because he is worse....he's been harder before. He's hard n different ways now. I want to feel like I know how to do this. I want to be independent but not isolated. WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A STRONG NEED TO DO THIS ALONE? I really don't want to let anyone into my life until I feel like my life is under control. LIke Zach is ever going to be under control..... I can try ....... I always try...... The only way to do to really release and heal places in me that I thought were shadows. They are empty spaces instead. Wounds actually, gaping holes........ This is just naturally occuring this vison of my wounds and the healing process taking place. It's just me craving to stand in the sun, It's freezing cold but I am feeling a warmth coming towards me. In the past I was never angry. I just wasn't angry. I feel everything differently now. I feel angry and hurt and I not afraid. I just know I feel it because it's leaving. It's kind of funny.
If you've ever prayed for strength. Prayed to a god you don't believe in. It's kind of funny what happens. It's not an idea or persective. It's lesson in what things feel like.

Zach and I need to have some fun. It's critical, it's as if we are on E. I need to see him happy. Right now
I want to see him play and hear him laugh. I am so worried about making a mistake that will cause him to suffer more than he already does.......

I am frozen by fear sometimes. I just am not sure what is the right thing to here I am doing nothing really......

There are other comforting thoughts that have started coming to me. I am think about a bookstore or coffee shop. I could open some place and Zach could work there. He also likes to shred paper so we might start a paper shreding service. Contact a few local business and see if they have some shredding needs. I worked as a credit manager ( in a past life) You can't just throw out peoples credit information into the regular trash. Most of it's in the computer but some things still get onto a hard copy. I think about a co-op situation with other kids that have disabilities.

My mind wants answers, my soul wants comfort........... I am just torturing myself......
Right now everything is ok. I guess that is what staying present means.......

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

This reminds me of my little sister.... It's the funniest things ever! Really it's hilarious!

IF you know my sister Hollywood Party Girl......... you will believe me when I tell you this is just like her...... LOL OMG!
I am not supposed to talk about her but come on have you GaryOke lately?

Britney is Fed -Up!

Just wondering is anyone talking about the Golden Globes? Jennifer Hudson was fun to watch win and so was America. I like House but what about Jack Bauer? I am so into 24. I have never watched so much tv in my life. FAKE TIVO man it's awesome. I am very behind on the movies. I haven't even seen the kids movies because I send my kid out on "date" with his nanny. Grilled cheese sandwhich and a movie. I am looking forward to the Oscars. Who is hosting the Oscars this year? Ellen was funny is it Ellen again?

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with

Some how I only saved the picture and not the text. I like the picture though.... I wanted to be James Bond but of course the truth comes out and I really am more a Pirate hero....... ok forget the hero part.......I am a pirate. Don't doubt I have put down some rum and then.......crashed on the beach. LOL

I took it from this Hollywood Blonde

Monday, January 15, 2007

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

She said I could go ahead and dare her again.....What the hell I dare her and you I dare you to show me your junk drawer or tell the truth how many pairs of shoes do you own? You have to answer with a picture. That is the only rule.

OMG I live in shame. That cell phone is broken I could get rid of it. The refill ink goes to a printer I haven't had for over a year!
I don't know when I last opened this drawer to get anything out of it! It's to dangerous to go digging around in there. I'll throw it all out and wait to see how long it takes to grow back! I am sure I bought newe Red ribbon this holiday season. I had some on the drawer. What? I keep that for another year only to forget it again? A new package of drug store mascarra that I bought in an emergency when I could not find the good stuff and then I found it and stashed this away.........When was that?? It's probably growing some micro organisms by now. That is just yuck!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

What's your poison? I have given up caffeine many times and never got that pay off you hear about. I just take more naps. I am getting very productive with my new poison. I like that it is one serving in the bottle and a mere 45 calories of the yucky good stuff. Oh, I should give Zach a sip on his low sugar days. You think I am kidding? Mountain Dew is actually recommended. I like Coke Blak better..........I blame her
It's better than Jolt but don't smell it first. I almost didn't try it....... It's good medicine. Go see I dared her to try and make it at home...........I need to think of another dare.....he he ..... Oh yeah! I can make up Internet Dare Day! All you have to do is post proof on your blog or you tube. I need one of those cute little signs. I need to pick a day too........ Seeeeeeeeeeeeee Coke Blak is Good! LOL

Saturday, January 13, 2007

I made the call yesterday. I 've been puttng it off. I've been talking about doing it. Blah........I called to get a bigger wheel chair for Zachary.
I feel like I am hung over from it. I wish I had gone ahead and drank my sorrows away for a change.

I remind myself, It's not so bad. Zach's not in the wheel chair all the time.

When we are at Children's hosp and around other kids in wheel chairs, every now and then Zach jumps out of his and walks over to look at something. I see the faces of other moms, wishing.

Then I look at the little one in the wheel chair. I look them straight in the eye and smile. We're lucky aren't we. And then with all the generosity I've ever known, they smile back and say, you sure are!

I found there is a rule about talking to kids in wheel chairs.
If it's the begining of the day and you can see them as a person, then you can talk to them. If you have seen one after another, after another, and your worn down......... you just feel so much pain knowing this tragic reality, You have to leave. They don't want your sad face.

One day I was in a waiting room. A mom talking to her beautiful teeager, she happened to be in a wheel chair. She was wrapped in a blanket. The mom was a small asian woman. She wore wrist supports on her arms. Pushing these wheel chairs can kill your arms and your back. I saw the mom watching zach up and out of his wheel chair. I saw the wishing face on the mom. She also had a big bag with her as most of us do . Hers was over flowing a mess. Now I had a brother who was wheel chair bound. Even with Zach it's no good having the stuff you need with out being able to get at it immediately.

I sat down next to the mom and gently wishpered to her. Do you need help dressing her? Yes, she did. She was supposed to have help and it didn't work out. She's crying now. Haven't I cried these same tears? She didn''t dare miss this appoinment today. She's been waiting months to get into this clinic. This was the best she could do.

She haunts me today. I have been her. " This is the best I can do" Will I be her again, even more like her? Yes, I am getting the bigger wheel chair. Yes, I am joining a rental service and moving to the first floor.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

I can't believe it. I finally got Final Draft on my new computer. Even for a Mac the transition wasn't that smooth.
Actually, I haven't transitioned at all. I put my work on an external hard drive. I thought I would be able to transfer my writing onto the new computer. When I tried to open a Final Draft File, it would not open because it was a different operating system. This is the kind of crap that keeps me away from Microsoft. This different operating system problem, did jolt my mind into thinking about the Final Draft upgrade. I bought the digital download for cheap on the last day of the sale. Then I found out, in order to use it, I would have to take off the old version and load the new version. No way, would I do that in the middle of a project! So, I called the writers store and found out that my upgrade was still on record and just waiting for me. Cool. They sent me a link to download the new version. I put in my code to make it active. Maybe that will have a subliminal affect on my brain. Think Jippy what should you do..... Now, that I have the brand new version of Final Draft activated on my computer.............. Make a sandwhich? It feels like a clean slate. I was thinking maybe I won't transfer anything over from my old computer. I'll start over new and fresh and hopefully.........well, better. Then I get a call from my producer/ friend. How is the script going? Oh good, good............. I am fucking lieing. LOL I distract him with my technical difficulties and he's not interested at all. So, I ask him about his dog. LOL This usually works. I know I am in the clear because he's going to send me some photos of his dog and his new vacation home. It snowed there! Butterscotch loved it! LOL Last night I was saved by the dog. Today, I don't know I still want that sandwhich. LOL This could be my next train wreck .......or not. Stay tuned.......

Thursday, January 11, 2007

This morning I am eating Haagen Dazs Vanilla Ice Cream for breakfast. NIce! I am trying to have my own food around here and I am not two weeks into the New Year and I failing.

I use ice cream to get Zach to eat. When he is sick and not cream can stimulate his appetite and keep us off the iV's. He didn't want it.......bad news for Zach. Now, I am supposed to make my own breakfast.
Is this a joke?

I need little routines to signal to my brain. Hey, you are on the program. In the summer, I drink lots of water when I am trying to be healthy. Now that it's cold here I don't like to drink water. Also in the summer I make myself protein shakes.

Is there a hot protei drink? LOL I need vitamin coffee.

I did a weight loss hypnosis tape last year and never touched a cigarette again. Not that I was a major smoker but I did do it around other smokers or I'd save one and after a really hard time I would go outside and smoke a bit of it. I miss that little ceremony.

I need some tricks. I need help. I can't live off of Zach's leftovers. I can't cook many things either.

I have to have a program or I'll gain weight. I might not loose weight on a program but I do gain with out one.

I am sure the lack of sleep has my body freaking out. Also, PMS can run my diet off course easily.

It's easy to notice when you are over eating but I think it's really hard to make yourself eat those small meals often. I can go a long time without eating. It' just another part of the diet dysfunction.

In case you are wondering, I moved the treadmill to a better place. It took me until last night to plug it in.

I use audio books but are there great movies for the treadmill?

Will any of this matter if Zach gets ill and I am eating hospital food. Yesterday he didn't get out of bed.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Pancakes sweet pancakes.

I love taking Zachary out to breakfast.
I get coffee served to me and I can't tell you how much I drink it's just constant.
Our journey to pancakes is far reaching. It started across the Pudget Sound from Seattle. He was still a toddler.
Zach was diagnosed with infantile autism. He screamed from the day he was born until he was about three years old.
He developed out of order. He actually walked at 7 months old. He ran at 7 months old. He had no balance so he ran from one place to another. He crashed a lot. It was disturbing seeing such a young baby moving like that. I knew something was really wrong and so did his doctors.

I put him immediately in an infant program through the March of Dimes. I went with him everyday starting in the class room with him and eventually wound up behind the two way mirrored window. I sat back there wishing hard that I had a cup of coffee. It took me long enough to get out of the classroom and into that little box of a room. Coffee would have been nice. And then one day I figured out how to get myself a cup of joe. In there behind the wall on a time out sized chair. It took some strategic planning. That is how I knew we would one day get to go out for pancakes.

I took Zachary to a coffee shop walked in and turned around and left. I did smell the coffee though. Success!

I started out thinking Sunday pancakes would be nice but I decided to change it to wednesdays and then it turned out that both days were needed every week. Because getting to pancakes, it would take us minutes at a time.

We would enter the retsarant and leave. Next time we would enter the restarant, put our name on the list, they called out to me, I'd apologize and leave.

Eventually we took a seat. The waitress was catching on to us. The next time she saw me she got me right into the same seat time after time. Making friends with the waitress is cruical. She would seat us, I would look at the coffee and then leave. One day I got a sip of the coffee. Another day I actually ordered the pancakes. I stayed the course to be there when the pancakes arrived. The Pancakes that would one day lead to a full cup of joe for me. Moms know that about pancakes, that eventually, with some planning, they lead to a full cup of joe.

ONe day we stayed long enough to get served pancakes!
Zach finally saw what the whole routine was all about. He was too over stressed to stay and eat. That was OK. It was a little tiny bit easier coming back the next time.
One day I drank half a cup of coffee and cut up the pancakes.
Oh so close. so so very close.
Then we did it. We got a few bites of pancakes in!

What a wonderful day. A glorious day. A day of promises. I saw us lunching with my sister and friends and branching out from coffee shop pancakes. I didn't know how far off in the distance that day would be.

Four years later I am living in Pasadena with Zach.

We are in a coffee shop. The waitress and I are staring Zachary down.
Just staring him down, waiting and waiting.
Then it came like a tiny little blip on the radar screen. It could have been so easily missed.
"Pancakes please."
He said it. He said, "Pancakes please"
I am crying and I look at the waitress and she is crying.
It's the first time I have ever heard his voice she says to me.
Now I am laughing and crying.

She goes crying off to the kitchen and every now and then someone would stop by and say,
Hey. Zach how are those pancakes?
He'd say, " Pancakes." And take another bite.
Mom takes another sip of coffee and thinks,
Oh Pancakes, sweet pancakes.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Do you believe in Karma?

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

I lived in a place we accurately named "The Closet" a studio apartment a few blocks from the junior college and my part time job at the bicycle shop. Usually just me and Gina, but it was a major crash site for friends and relatives. Once we got our phone we started getting hang up phone calls and figured we got some phone number that recently belonged to someone else.

One day this guy says, "what color are your panties?" Click.
These calls became more frequent. I'd say, "shut up" before he finished so he started asking for my roommate by name, " Is Gina there?" Time to change the phone number again. When you are dating on the slate system, you don't want to change your number that often. However, freaks can screw everything up. It's like the hand of the universe, it comes down and wipes your dating slate clean wheather you want to start over or not.

It wasn't free to change our number but we thought we should be cautious. It didn't matter, he started calling again. At first with just hanging up, then asking for Gina, and then, "what color are your panties?" How did he get our unpublished number?

One day I offered to meet him and sent my brother and his friends to a gas station where he said he'd meet me. He wasn't there but he called back pissed about my posse and I called him a freak. He didn't like that and he threatened me. What he said didn't matter. It was a tone he had and I knew this guy was indeed a freak. We decided to walk home together and call someone to get us if we had to be out at night.

As we were walking home from class that afternoon, I felt weird, I refused to go down the alley. Once you are in the alley because of all the gated apartments you can't easily get out. So we walked on the side walk along a busy street. I had a bottle of juice and Gina had books in her arms. Someone was walking towards us. It looked like he came from outside our building. As we kept getting closer and closer to him I was getting closer and closer to Gina to make room for him to pass by us. I felt weird and was wondering if he really was standing outside our building or if I just noticed him there because I was paranoid.

By the time I went through the list of why we were fine, it's daylight, there are two of us, we know people along this street, I was shoulder to shoulder with this man. He reached up across my chest and grabbed my left tit. To this day I don't understnd why he didn't grab the right one closer to him. He grabbed me so hard I lost my breath. my knees buckled and as he continued to walk away I was spun around towards him. Gina was three steps away before she knew what was happening. He let go, I hit the ground and was up instantly throwing my bottle of juice at him, Yelling , Maaaather Faaaaaacker! I missed.

We called the cops. I filed a report. Then we moved into a house with a guy we knew from another one of my part time jobs. We put it behind us. Gina got a boyfriend and I tried to settle down and keep my slate simple.

So, I am home alone one night with a broken foot. ( So much for settleing down.) But the guys on my slate clearly weren't into gimps. So I decide to go for a walk to a minimart and get something with caffeine. It was a walking cast but I learned that it wasn't really meant for walking to the store. I didn't know that there was a little bar near by. I was so glad to find a place to rest. I stopped in checked it out had a beer and was ready for the walk back home. I was wooed into playing a game of pool by this really cute guy. Turns out he'd walked there too and he walked me home and asked for my phone number. He called me that night and asked me out for the next weekend. I couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't divine intervention. He walked me home, it was so sweet! Thank god, I broke my foot or I would have never met my new man. You never know how or when you are going to meet someone. Also, I would have the damn cast off my leg by the next weekend. the timing couldn't get much better! Did I mention that he was really really cute?

The big night, he pickes me up and takes me to a popular club. He parked his car in the back. It wasn't that great of a car. It was like a mom car. He order food for us and yet he never ate. He order drinks and never drank. He left me in a crowd of friends on the dance floor and he seemed not to care but never took his eyes off me either. Just little weird things that meant nothing. My friends said, I just don't remember what a guy in love is like. WHAT?? Ok, maybe it's me But I told the bartender to go out back after we left anyway. It was nothing, he took me straight home. He droped me off like a perfect gentleman and I was thinking I might be nuts. I might want to actually give this guy a chance.

Until he called me, he said, just as he had said before, "What color are your panties?" OK! I knew his voice was familar to me. I knew something was up with this guy. Then I thought fuck! This guy was just at my house. I just got comfortable living here and being here alone. I was still on the phone while having flash backs and wondering if he could have made this happen in any way. As far as the panty question goes, I had learned my lesson, so I laughed it off, chatted with him a bit longer, so he wouldnt know I was on to him. I got off the phone and called the police.

The next day a detective came and picked me up. He instructed me, on what to say to try to get a confession out of this guy. I was miked and had a speaker in my ear so he could tell me what to say. The phone itself was attched to a tape player. It would all be recorded. There now were many reports of varying degree on this guy. Starting with my first report. So they have been trying to catch this guy since ...........since........ OMG exactly one year ago to the day. Is that Karma? Bad Karma? I had filed the first report on Panty Man exactly one year ago to that day. Even the detective thought it was strange and for a moment there is looked at me as if I might be up to something. I felt him scan me in some strange way. I guess weirdos have a vibe he is familar with??

I got all wired up literally and I called the guy. I asked a few questions and he opened right up. He talked about his environment. It was tragic, tragic, tragic. I guess mommy caught him doing stuff in his undies. She told him that his soul belonged to the devil. I think he took it literally. He did breakdown. He said he needed help. The detective in my ear had me ask about the other incidents, one thing in particular that happend under a freeway over pass? He started to confess and then got really aggressive and paranoid. He was on to us. He threatened me but the cops were already on their way to his house. Karma? Bad Karma? My Karma or his?

In honor of de lurking week, I will be posting something that will hopefully be worth commenting on all week.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

In honor of national De luking week about de lurking

In honor of national De luking week comment for charity today only

Do you have a karma story or maybe a dating slate story? Or just want to tell me if you believe in Karma?

That charity thing sounds good too. ( Maybe I'll find a sponsor and get it together)
One way or another wheather it's pennies or dollars, Friday will be my comment for charity day.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Thank you Auntie Kathryn and Uncle Gary for the best Birthday ever!

Zachary is looking really pale. He's ready to settle down for a while. He is very happy with all the memories and the presents! I want to thank my sister Kathryn and Gary for throwing a great party for a thriteen year old! Big screen projection of his favorite movies. ALL of his favorites food. Cars cake and cars presents. Mostly it's just hanging out being a family that means the most to Zachary and to Jippy! I love you guys.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Gumball 3000 2006 Vienna

Just for you Zach on your day!

happy birthday

happy Birthday Zachary!

Saturday, January 06, 2007


Friday, January 05, 2007

Max is a Tantric Master

I found this on Max's blog and it took me to The Sundance Channel has this fun quiz. Click around a bit and on the pics.
You know what it said to me...........You need the Saint guide. If you did Holidailies you might remember that I called my enteries Loser gets cast in role of Saint..... Oh and that I misspelled it Anonymous said..

8 seconds of heaven

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Manchán Magan attempts to live his life (eat, travel, socialise, find accommodation, shop, etc) through Irish. It is a journey to find out whether the 1.6 million people who claim they can speak Irish in the national census really can and whether one can survive in Ireland today without speaking a word of English.

A man my Nan would approve of

I am constantly looking for those who speak my language. I think I know exactly how he feels.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Parents of a severely disabled girl in the US have revealed that they are keeping her child-sized in order to give her a better life

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

They call her the "Pillow Angel" They cut off her breasts and cut out her uterus to keep her that way!"
I am sick about this. It's insane.

US doctors are helping to keep a severely disabled girl child-sized at her parent's request.
Ashley X was born with severe and permanent brain damage, called static encephalopathy.

The nine-year-old has the mental ability of a three-month-old baby and cannot walk or talk.

Her parents argue that keeping her "frozen" as a girl rather than letting her go through puberty and growing into a woman will give her a better life.

They authorised doctors to remove her uterus to prevent menstruation, to limit her breast growth through the removal of breast buds so that she would not experience discomfort when lying down, and give her doses of hormones to stop her growing taller.

Opponents have accused Ashley's parents of "Frankenstein-esque" behaviour - of maiming the child for the sake of convenience.

"The central purpose of the treatment is to improve Ashley's quality of life"
Ashley's parents

"It was in this little girl's best interests"
Ashley's doctors

"This is a technological solution to a social problem"
US medical ethicist Dr Jeffrey Brosco

"The real scandal is that developed countries like Britain and the US are failing to provide adequate support services"
Agnes Fletcher of the Disability Rights Commission

"There were some reasons in favour"
UK medical ethicist Professor Raanan Gillon

"There is no doubt that people who have got severe mental handicap find it difficult to cope with menstruation"
UK GP Dr Rosemary Leonard

"I find this offensive if perverse"
Anonymous opponents comments posted on internet chatrooms

Ashley's parents

"If people have concerns about Ashley's dignity, she will retain more dignity in a body that is healthier, more of a comfort to her, and more suited to her state of development.

"Free of menstrual cramps, free of the weight of large and fully-developed breasts, and with a smaller, lighter body that is better suited to constant lying down and to getting moved around"

Click here to return

Ashley's doctors

Douglas Diekema from the University of Washington in Seattle was on the ethics committee that gave the go-ahead for Ashley's treatment.

"We said yes because the parents convinced us it was in fact in this little girl's best interests."

He and his colleague, Dr Daniel Gunther, wrote in the Archives of Paediatrics and Adolescent Medicine: "Caring for children with profound developmental disabilities can be difficult and demanding.

"All the necessities of life must be provided by caregivers, usually parents, and these tasks become more difficult as the child grows to adolescence and adulthood."

George Dvorsky, a member of the Board of Directors for the Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies: "If the concern has something to do with the girl's dignity being violated, then I have to protest by arguing that the girl lacks the cognitive capacity to experience any sense of indignity.

"The oestrogen treatment is not what is grotesque here. Rather, it is the prospect of having a full-grown and fertile woman endowed with the mind of a baby."

Dr Doug Diekema defends Ashley's treatment
Click here to return

US medical ethicist Dr Jeffrey Brosco

Dr Jeffrey Brosco, Miami University: "This is a technological solution to a social problem.

"I work with severely disabled children and know how hard it is on families, but what we need most is better federal funding so that they can be cared for properly."

Click here to return
Agnes Fletcher of the Disability Rights Commission

"This is unnecessary medical treatment, to deal with what is essentially a social problem: the poverty and lack of support faced by families with disabled children in both US and Britain.

"Ashley's parents say that they cannot afford paid carers to come to their home to support her and this is one of the reasons they give for the treatment, but no one should have medical treatment that is of no benefit to them without their consent. Such a basic principle has to be maintained.

"In Britain, half of families with disabled children live in poverty and eight in ten say they are at breaking point ¿ more likely to be in debt, less likely to be able to afford a holiday or visit friends or live at much beyond a subsistence existence.

"When parents face such trying circumstances, it is small wonder that they consider desperate measures.

"We have a care crisis in this country, with a lack of support for a decent and dignified family life that is placing unbearable strain on people and families.

"While this case is shocking, the real scandal is that developed countries like Britain and the US are failing to provide adequate support services, so that all their citizens can have a decent quality of life."

I am desperate for this movie to be greater then the sum of these two filmmakers. It's the Transformers! I loved seeing Speilberg say, "Konichi-wa" It's good and funny......

Lets do it this year. Lets be more than the sum of all our parts. Lets put it out there. Write what you are meant to write. You know there is something in you trying to get out and it's bigger than you are. It's more than your ability as you know it. You'll have to stretch yourself to accomplish it. You'll have to let it take over. It's a collaboration of sorts.
You might have to learn something on the fly to keep up with it. You might, like I do, have to fight to give it room to breathe in your world. I just have to give it time and space. I just have to listen to it. I watch it in my mind. I need to watch it with more pleasure. I can ruin the joy of this. I can here nay sayers telling me to stop dreaming. Or that dreaming is just a coping mechanism for me. If I don't let them kill me then I chime in with my own frustratioins and doubts. There is a part of my mind that ruins the flow of creativity by constantly wanting the road map or the blue print. It's a fear of the unknown. I can deal with failure. Especially if I know it's coming. I can deal with success and with more joy and happiness when I know it's coming. The fear of the unknown just festers in the lonliest place I have with in me. It's so odd because I love to be alone. I need to be alone. But where the lonliness lives......I just can' t stand to be there. I'll give that part of my mind something. It's not really in my mind but I think there is a trap door in there somewhere. Once it's taken me, I know I'll be consumed with getting out. So in hopes of avoiding the trap door. I'll give that part of my mind an hour. One hour of structured consistency of doing what I said I would. What I think I should. I call this feediing the dragon. It won't be the thing that takes me where I need to go. But it just might keep me away from the trap door. Oh god I know there are other things beyond my control. And I'll just leave them there taunting my very survival. Here is the thing.... I could blame my son's problems and cop out. It would not be a lie but behind that world is my world. My challenges as a person trying to earn a living in a creative field. It's almost a luxury to know what my fucking problems are. I have had to Just let them do there interfereing sabotage. I will do the right thing in each moment with the Zach stuff. I trust myself with all of that. Because I do trust myself, I'll wait and see how this hour comes. Will I get it once a month? Once a week? Oh yeah wouldn't it be great to say my hour is once a day just at midnight or dawn? Yes, I want to say that. I want to do that. I just believe that I have an hour and I'll fight for it. I 'll keep track of it and when I see it I'll take it. And one by one, hour by hour, it just might add up to something bigger than who I am now. Transforming's what inspiration does to a person.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Was Jesus a Virgo?

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

That's a Cat Nap

I know he wants a dog but nothing beats a Cat Nap! These two can be in an all out war and then when they call it quits they snuggle up like best buds. The cat just attacks Zach's weak leg. The more he limps the more the cat gets after him. Then when Zach gets bored he's after the cat. Zach has had a fish and named it Joe fish. Zach has had a bird and named it Joe bird.
Zach has had a hampster and named it Joe hampster. So, I assumed he'd name the cat Joe. He didn't. He picked out the ugliest kitten picked it up and kissed it and called it Mon Cheri..... He grew up to be a pretty good looking cat.

If I say Come on Mon! He comes...... I don't know much about cats. My grandmother raised us as cat haters. My little sister got scratched badly. So I am constantly surprised by this animal. I swear he knows I am writing about him right now. One day we'll get our dog but for now...... were happy with cat naps.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

2006 I am saying goodbye. I am saying I am sorry. I am sending my condolences. A national day of morning and I'll take the extra day to let it all go. I won't name my troubles. They fade to black. Just leave on the wind.

Some time this year I'll open that bottle! It didn't feel right on New Years Eve. I just could not pop the cork. I was content on New Years Eve. It was a nice evening with Zach and Dick Clark. It was a hard year in some ways. It was a year of information which truly is power. I had the need to have Champagne ready. I still feel that way. I need to have champagne ready. OK so I am ready. It's not as cheap as I usually drink. Not for half a glass of champange basically by myself and just for the sake of popping the cork. I have it ready. 2007 is the year. Something will happen and I will go the fridge and I will get this sacred bottle and I'll pop the cork and I'll be in the moment. A moment I knew would come.

I'll take the risk, I'll keep myself well, to make the extra effort. I'll be me in the world and clear the way for Zach to be in this world too. That is what I did when I put him in his wheel chair and pushed him four blocks to the parade and claimed our space on the side of the road. I covered his ears when he could not take the noise and we waited and watched and he tolerated it more than I thought he would. We made our way home and finally slept and today really is day one for us. And he said something to me.................

He said, " Three Jets, the three jets." He has never spoken to me about something that happened or that we did. He was talking about the start of the parade. Two jets and the B2 bomber did a fly by and wow we could have jumped up and touched them! Zach remembered it and told me. That is a champagne moment it really is. I would have drank it right then but something inside said no this is only the begining this isn't it. Do you remember that moment in Mr Holland's Opus when the mom breaks down? " I just want to talk to my son" That hit me so hard and at times like this I let go some of that pain I have had in me for a long long time. This is a great start to a New Year and I am ready for more. Let this be the begining of many good things.

2007 I am ready with Champagne!

Monday, January 01, 2007

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Must sleep now! Will write about it later. I mean I saw star wars 30 years ago with a boy who saw it 15 times. Today with the band and the storm troopers damn near the same thing! ZACH AND MOM LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!