Nurse Jippy takes the night shift. I took Z to Childrens Hosp for a three day extended EEG study. I am in love with this little girl who was knee high pushing her IV poll up and down the hallway looking in the doors like she was window shopping at the mall! I don't know how many bags she had hanging from the IV poll but she didn't care. It was hilarious, she was so cute you couldn't be sad for her. They told me I had to stay up all night and push a button when there was a patient event. I was watching my son's brain waves on a computer monitor for the past three days. I filmed some of it for my documentary. It looks cool. I won't get the results back until Dec. From what I saw he has small seizures that wake him up within the first hour of sleep. I passed out a few times but other wise I played a good nurse. I woke up to a doc who wasn't so subtle about having me make an appointment. He gave me the number and said, "call now." So, guess what? I called and I'll be back at the hosp. next week to see two of my favorite docs. don't get me wrong, I owe this team of docs. I am trying to consolidate all Z's appoinments and get him school so I can get some work. I am there for his medical care but I have other obligations too. As I am playing nurse into the night I am thinking about playing Santa. The list gets longer and longer the closer and closer we get to the holidays. Recently, I was told that I really don't understand the pressures from providing for a family because I have the advantage of "maternal instinct." This got me mad. I make hard choices that reqire sacrifices and effort.
They call me a saint and dismiss me because I have a maternal instinct and I am nice. I am a bitch too. I have been trying to complain a little more lately. I am not sure if it's the way to go. I am not a saint for sure. I did feel like being Mother Teresa in the halls of Childrens Hosp. There are kids there and the parents can't be there with them. You can figure out quickly which ones they are. The ones trucking themselves up and down the hallways and know all the staff by name. Somehow I managed to have a little toy as they'd pass by. Then we got a roomate and the mom that came with that boy......she really is a saint. This baby was living off of her soul. Her husband was a man who loved them both and it showed. Both of them giving 100 % and it isn't going to save this baby. I don't know much Spanish but I heard ( in think) that he liked toys with lights. I had a pen that had spinning lights on the top. I dragged it out to help the baby calm down until someone arrived with his favorite toy. The dad looked at me and I saw the thing, the thing that I have, that his wife has, it's not maternal instinct. It's not saint hood either. You care about the little things. It keeps you in the moment. I think because we know we are powerless over the big things and over the future. I live on blind faith. I have to believe that if I play a good nurse right now that I'll get a shot at Santa. Can I play all the roles in Z's life? Time will tell. I'd have to say, I play an awesome Nurse Jippy.