reflection pond
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.
I wanted to look up some philosophical quotes about Pain. Specifically why children feel pain. I gave up on that after one google attempt.
Jess mentioned a buddhist point on suffering, It's consider to help you feel alive.
Have you read the secret? Watched the secret? I tell you that envisioning perfection is also exactly what is wrong with our society. I wish they would be more careful when they talk about perfection. What that looks like needs to be expanded. Feeling like you are perfect just as you are is what's useful. I have to see Zachary as perfect. Is pain perfect? Well, pain is something and it is in Zachary. Hating pain is almost ridiculous. It's made of the same force.
I trust Zach's soul. Do I bow down to his pain? NO I don't . Do I try to battle it? Yes, I do. It's like quicksand and I think maybe it's just not the way to go. How can I understand this? Let me tell you the joy in moments when it's gone. You can never know this joy. It's a joy that comes from extreme suffering and then relief. I hope you never know this joy. Would I trade days of boring and no joy to give up this pain? NO! I want him to have a real life.
I hear so many times that if there is a disease, it's in my vibe or it was my choice. I have to fix soemthing within myself. How about the kids? What did they do?
So what do you think is there a spiritual answer to children in pain? Is it just a medical question? Why bring god into this at all?
4 comments:
If there is I ain't got it.
But I love the writing of Philip Yancey- all of them. 'Dissapointment with God' is a good book, so is 'When we Hurt' and 'The Gift of Pain'.
I like him because he's not a "christianese" cheezoid writer and because one of his books is entirely about how his faith "survived" the church.
I don't believe a child in pain was part of God's plan. We caused the fall from perfection, we chose to allow sin, death, pain... but I don't understand it, really. Nobody gets it entirely and the best theologians confront questions openly, too. That was a revelation to me: that people who have faith- even the creme de la creme- also have doubt.
Miriam,
Thank you,
Philip Yancey sounds good. Sounds so scary to me too. YIkes. I am trying to find ways to make Zachary feel good inside. Just in case it's possible to sqeeze out the bad.
I wonder if it's guilt trying to find a leg hold in my heart again. Was it my fall from perfection? Was it my sin? Was it my pain I never let go of .....was he born through this into this pain? Can I take it back?
Guilt hides in my own shadow and I think of it as me sometimes I just don't see it for what it is.
I want to control something I can't but maybe I can read one of those books and be ok with that.
I know.
I don't think it will ever be totally "okay". I'm so sorry- and I think absolutely this is happening to you and he together- not to make you feel sorry for yourself, but definitely the guilt (blame) can't lie with you.
I don't think there will ever be a reason good enough to justify this.
Yancey has a way of putting anger/guilt/blame stuff to words that can be helpful, but I don't mean to imply there's a solution, per se. Some people would say there is, but I think they're lying.
The way you live with Zachary, the life you're giving him is strong, kind, patient. I bet it doesn't always feel like it, but it's easier to see from the outside.
Anyway, I'm so happy you did BloMe way back when.
Miriam, I am so happy you did BloMe way back when! You are right this is our life. If I had anything to do with it .....this is it. I was in intense emotional pain when he was born. I had a brother like him and I was deeply impressed by my brother. Maybe too much? Metaphysically (or something like that) these could be my sins. No, I can't fix myself and cure him but maybe I can be stronger for him or not so scared.
I come to the edge sometimes and self pity is there waiting among other things.
Thank you for your kind words. I describe my life with Zachary as walking the plank everyday. Blind Faith.
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