My New Earth work is actually on twiiter.com/BookClubClass It's a text messaging book club. In case you came here from the Oprah website and were wondering where it all is. I'll bring my New Earth Work over here because, I guess this is where it's meant to be. Welcome to Jippyjabber! PS I am auntjippy on the Oprah message boards.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

This is a portion of my email I sent to two family members. My mother is one of them. As far as I know she dosn't know about this blog. I have changed the names, except Zacharys. I just can't play this game for the next nine months. I want to feel safe at Christmas and happy.

I said that I hate Jesus at the end of the letter. Actually, The Nine Faces of Christ is one of my favorite books.

I have tried nicer, ways of drawing boundries over the years and I am exhausted from it. It's only March and I could not see myself shutting down for the rest of the year becase of this. So here I am spelling out the hard truth, the bottom line.

I hope I find something wonderful to do at Christmas for Zach.......... You are about to find out why.............

I have no intention of going to Florida or Orange County for Christmas.

I HAVE NO INTENTION OF GOING TO FLORIDA OR ORANGE COUNTY EVER FOR ANY REASON. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I AM NOT COMING BACK. Stop thinking that I will try to come. I won't try to come.



I am not going to Orange County. The older zachary gets the less patients I have to be around ( your husband) and act like I don't hate what happened to my life because of him. I can't come down there and act like I don't resent my mother for chooseing a man over me and to see how you aren't really living happily ever after, or to see that you are...... I am using all of my patients for my son. If you want to come up here and have a Christmas with Zachary great. I won't be angry with you if you don't. I am not coming to Orange County. I do not want to be there. I do not want Zachary to be lied to. iF anything ever happened to me, Zachary would go to his father. I would never want you to take Zachary. I could never trust you completely with him. Because of you I can barely trust anyone anyways, Stop acting like it would be normal for me to try to come spend a weekend there. It's not normal and it takes to much fucking energy for me to be there killing apart of myself to make everyone believe a that it's all ok. This is what happens when the children of abused children get to be the age that their parents suffered most. I look at zachary and ( his girl cousin of the similar age) and I think how the fuck could she have made the choices she made? Now you have to live with them. I suggest you get some help with that.

I love you and I am sorry if you don't feel that right now. I do really love you. I, like you, have little to operate on here and you can't push me right now. Everyone is tired and has it hard. Most of all it's Zachary who has it the hardest. I am not taking Zachary to see you just to make you feel better. He suffers so much fucking pain. I will pursue things that I think will bring him the most joy if he is ever able to go anywhere.

Christmas is just another reason to hate Jesus. I am not celebrating Christmas. We will have Santa Day. We believe in Santa Day.
I hope this will be the end of any talk about travel and Christmas.

Jennifer

8 comments:

LoLo said...

Good for you Jippy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jippy said...

Just when I need my best friend she shows up!
thanks so much. I really don't want anyone to feel bad, it's just now I am included in the group of people I don't want to feel bad.

Miriam said...

I can't think of a thing to say, being so completely on the outside of any experience like this, Jippy. This sounds like a mama bear, like a badger. Sorry you were required to say these things, and I hope they honor your requests.

Michele_3 said...

I can relate to what you were telling your mom- Only because my dearest best friend is going through the same exact thing..
She feels the same way- but can't get it out quite yet....

Good for you to say how you are feeling! You are givng a lot of other people in this situation a voice today!

I'm hope you felt a bit of freedom and realease sending that letter out!
Take Care!!

Jippy said...

I hated to be so harsh but saying no is like giving a yellow light to these people and then they just gunn it and plow you over. Mostly, I had to be very harsh because my son is considered non-verbal. I can not allow him to have a trusting relationship with people who don't respect his dignity ( to put it lightly)

Hil said...

Good for you, Jippy. I too have had situations in which I've had to set very harsh boundaries with my family. It is so hard. But in the long run, it's better for everyone.

cinemagypsy said...

Why can't your mom make a trip out to see you at Christmas time?
Same deal here, it is always us going there and you know what?
We're beyond tired of it. We stopped that a few years ago.
Glad you put your foot down and are taking some control here. You and Zach should not have to be put through all that.

Jippy said...

Hil, thanks for telling me it is better after doing it. I needed to know that.

Cinema-G Probably explains why you started traveling during the holidays.