I watched the movies reviews and Mel Gibson's movie Apocalypto is the same story as the first part of my movie, Jaguar Knights. This blows hardcore. This is what happens when trying to channel in a story. It's open to anyone who reaches into the primordial mix. I am not sure if I can cut out the begining of my story and still have something to work with. I had too much riding on meeting a deadline with this story. My friend, a producer called and said, I am screwed with this. I don't know if I have what it takes to try to save this on time. The part I have to throw out is the part that I gave my all too. I was Meticulous in structure, format, spelling, grammer and plot. I am a sloppy blogger. I used to be happy with a B plus or A minus because I never had to study. I just answers pop into my head or pictured the book or blackboard from class. Now I don't own any knoweldge and I don't know my limits. I don't know my limitations and I was too afraid to find out. Here I am needing to know what I can expect from myself.

I am the only answer to raising Zach and I out of this situation. It has to come organically from me. I don't have much of a say as to when. I surrender to time. The more I push the harder things get.

I am not going to listen to anyone tell me what I need. I can see how that hate my situation and they want it to go away. We won't go away. We are just here together and I am keeping that sacred.

I know what I have to do. I have to stop being an asshole blogger and care about all of my words. I have to hold on to my own standards. I start over from down here, a much lower place than I was last week but much higher than before the medication.

If I had to quess, I'd say I'll try again. It's inhumane and ridiculous but It's what I believe I can do from here.

At least it's Mel Gibson's fault and not Zachary's.