My New Earth work is actually on It's a text messaging book club. In case you came here from the Oprah website and were wondering where it all is. I'll bring my New Earth Work over here because, I guess this is where it's meant to be. Welcome to Jippyjabber! PS I am auntjippy on the Oprah message boards.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I watched the movies reviews and Mel Gibson's movie Apocalypto is the same story as the first part of my movie, Jaguar Knights. This blows hardcore. This is what happens when trying to channel in a story. It's open to anyone who reaches into the primordial mix. I am not sure if I can cut out the begining of my story and still have something to work with. I had too much riding on meeting a deadline with this story. My friend, a producer called and said, I am screwed with this. I don't know if I have what it takes to try to save this on time. The part I have to throw out is the part that I gave my all too. I was Meticulous in structure, format, spelling, grammer and plot. I am a sloppy blogger. I used to be happy with a B plus or A minus because I never had to study. I just answers pop into my head or pictured the book or blackboard from class. Now I don't own any knoweldge and I don't know my limits. I don't know my limitations and I was too afraid to find out. Here I am needing to know what I can expect from myself.

I am the only answer to raising Zach and I out of this situation. It has to come organically from me. I don't have much of a say as to when. I surrender to time. The more I push the harder things get.

I am not going to listen to anyone tell me what I need. I can see how that hate my situation and they want it to go away. We won't go away. We are just here together and I am keeping that sacred.

I know what I have to do. I have to stop being an asshole blogger and care about all of my words. I have to hold on to my own standards. I start over from down here, a much lower place than I was last week but much higher than before the medication.

If I had to quess, I'd say I'll try again. It's inhumane and ridiculous but It's what I believe I can do from here.

At least it's Mel Gibson's fault and not Zachary's.

1 comment:

Jippy said...

I'd give anything to have the God of my youth back. If there is no God then it won't hurt me to believe in one, just for a night or two. If I take personal responsibility for everything I possibly can in my life and there are still things left over, I am open to a mystical intervention. When you are disapointed in wars fought in the name of Gods, it seems dangerous to define mystical intervention and all it's workings as God. So I circle the flame missing the warmth and trying not to get burned.