There I was trashed by life. It was Just beating the shit out of me. I was needy and willing to live with it. It's hard to play Santa when you have your child attched to your hip. I am forcing him to walk and leaving his wheel chair in the car in case of emergency. Push push push forward. Then I get a phone call and find out that the past is in the past and all is well with us. Us? A close friend who I had failed. I am trying to maintain some friendships. Because I need their light even if I can't give them much of mine. It was enough of a good thing to get me on too my next stop. Of course Zach is falling asleep and I need to get home before I have to try and carry him up a flight of stairs. I roll up into the driveway at the same time as Mr. Perfection. He's had a hard time with Mrs. Perfection this last year but sitll, I am not in the mood..... not able to go any lower .....not able to be intentionally made painfully aware of how I am not really pulling it off. And then the Christmas miracle. He was nice to me. He was nice to Zach and he was nice to both of us. I really appriciated it. I needed it. I won't be learking in the back ground this season. Suddenly it's too hard to sit this one out. I might just come out and really enjoy the making of cookies and the drinking of cocoa.