Oh the Disney studio Fountain is heaven

Oh the Disney studio Fountain is heaven
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

What is better than the Disney Store? A Disney Store with Cherries!
I am so glad we are having some fun again! It's living dose to dose until the surgery but this is just minutes from the hospital. I can plan it out and make it work.....usually.....: )

Life is a bowl of cherries

Life is a bowl of cherries
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Zachary gets VIP treatment, a bowl full of cherries. Then we finally found Sarge the car from the movie Cars! YAY!

OK, mom can we go upstairs now?

OK, mom can we go upstairs now?
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Sometime in May ( after I got overwhelmed but before I started drinking) Rob had a contest..... Take a pitcure of yourself with his book. This is my attempt to pick up where I left off. Doesn't Zach looked thrilled?

He wrote the book

Rob and his buddy Brett made a Pod cast about their shared love, no, not about me, about writing, reading, story telling, well, it's about Character.

Episode 1 - CHARACTER IS KING
I begged for more

Vroman's bookstore completely rocks!

Vroman's bookstore completely rocks!
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

I had wanted to buy Rob's book at a Mystery Book Shop. I had never been in that shop and it was a good reason to go. I finally made it to the Mystery Book Shop. A man vaguely reminded me of the Captian from Giigan's Island was helping ....I have to say it....The little old Lady from Pasadena.... I wanted to hug him watching how sweet he was to her.....then I wanted to kill him because they only carry out of print Mystery Books...... Holy Crap I better get to Vroman's! I got the last copy on the shelve but bonus it was a signed by the author!
PS Rob was a doctor in a past life... No actually, it looks a bit like Brad Pitt's cement autograph..... A combo of those two...

Last one on the shelf.....

Last one on the shelf.....
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

You might know Robert Gregory Browne as my "blog crush" ( imagine link to blog crush post) Of course I ordered his book from Amazon the first week it was released.......after some drama at my local Borders.
Why didn't I read Rob's book? This is getto Jippy stuff here....I used his book as payment for my nephews friend who came to my place and did some work on some bookshelves that are taken over by zach's toys.
I had a bag of books for his mom and sister and he kept eyeing Rob's book and making comments like, " I like to read too" So let him have it, I could not hold back after he played cars with Zach and told Zach, hey! you have to put the car 'Ramone 'in front because that's my name too.

Jacaranda Trees

Jacaranda Trees
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Spider City

Spider City
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Zach and Thea caught in the web

HOLLYWEB

HOLLYWEB
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

HOLLYWEB only at the LA Zoo!

We made it!

A miracle just in time


I am starting to get into the idea of change.
The panic and fear all went away with the hangover.
I am really proud of myself for being honest about my feelings.
Before I just died inside
Just prayed to a god I was furious at and laughed like a crazy person at the irony

I have a strange and powerful optimism
it just shows up and I think bright good thoughts and forget the bad quickly
with no proof I believe things will shake up and land in a better place.......hmmmmm


Zachary is really gettting very verbal lately
he's quoting commercials and he is taking those words into the world and other conversations
I am floored by this.........
I always wanted to talk with Zachary........
He has been helping me pick out shirts for him.
Now I can ask him do you want to wear the shirt with the tree on it or the sword shirt.
What timing for a miracle

I am ok
we will be fine
I am going to post pictures soon
Don't worry
my strength will return
i'll do one thing at a time until then.

I never wanted you to know I could be this weak.

I just am nothing

I wait for some strength to show up

from I don't know where.

I am so powerless

I suppose that's obvious

I am terrified of his pain sometimes

I make desicions based in fear

I cried so much

I never wanted you to know I cried

I wait, I am always waiting

this day is my life

I try to convince myself

so I use love it covers the waiting

but never his pain

I have heard that the deifinition of insanity is trying to do the same thing the same way over and over again........ Well, I am insane......... I am actually going to attempt the zoo again this morning....

We will have our day at the Zoo!

I am still reeling but maybe the zoo will snap me out of it.

although, I am destroyed over it .....I have made several phone calls and emails.

I mean if a bunch of pts are getting cut off they are will be trying to get on the same wating lists as Zach and well it's sad to be competitive here but I want on that list ASAP and on top. I just need help. You know it's because Zach changes from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. I have to be proactive.

DOCTOR J CALLS

ME, WHY ARE YOU CALLING


DR. J. I AM LEAVING

ME, ARE THEY GETTING A NEW DOCTOR?

DR. J THEY ARE SHUTTING DOWN THE PAIN CLINIC

ME, PLEASE REFER ME SOMEWHERE

HANG UP...........CRY...........GO TO HAPPY HOUR GET DRUNK......... NUMB........... STILL NUMB.........SCARED TO BREATHE.......


I am begging the universe to not allow my life to return to how it was prior to meeting Dr. Joseph.

I am going to try the Zoo again today. My last attempt was a nightmare well nightmarish....... ( it can always be worse)

I need this surgery to come and go. He's living dose by dose and his diet is what ever won't hurt him to eat.

Now for some GOOD NEWS

Twice I have caught Zach reading. I was in the kitchen and I was going to make my famous boil chicken ( all I can do in the kitchen is boil water and drop in what I want to cook) So, I have a frozen bag of chiken breasts. I don't touch raw meat I don't know why......... it's yucky.

Zachary's says " Foster Farms" Then he talks a few lines from the commercial. ( a little branding logo reconginiton but that's great too)

Zach was asking for Animal Planet and I saw the TiVo recording.....so I clicked to see what it was..... ( 24, love that show)
Zachary says, " not FOX" OK I am thinking a little animal becasue he wants animal planet and he can't always read a word other than where he learned the word. He knows Fox on Sox....... but he recognised the words F... O......X.....

I said, Zach you are reading! He says, NO I am Not! yes, you are! NO I AM NOT! OK

So the next time he read something I gave him some straws to play with and said that's for nice reading..... He said oh good reading....thank you. ( lets save the bit about the straws for later)

I feel like I am lieing if I don't tell all the painful things that are going on ...........
I feel like I will weaken myself if I talk about it........
I feel like I am ok and getting better and I am don't want to risk failing....
I feel like it's too soon to talk about it.......

I feel like avoiding reality.
I feel like telling you that I am thinking about you and you make me stronger and thank god for your support.

I was just looking for some compassion mean while Zach took a nap and woke up friendly again.

We are better. ...... I have to go to the DMV

Isn't that still some kind of hell?

HELL SHOWED UP

He is in massie pain, he is hungery and can't eat enough. He is starting pubertry. He says WHAT? after everything I say.

IN the middle of the night when I desperately want to sleep for twenty mins. I started to think like this....I can't take it anymore. I am so tired. I don't want to do this anymore. Please let me sleep. I can't do this. I must sleep. Make him be quiet. Where is his father? What can I do? How long have I been doing this? This is hell. These thoughts are the thoughts of the devil herself.

SO I try to count because he used to fall asleep when I would count. I get to 39 and he paused so I keep saying 39, 39 , 39 , 39 , 39 Like a crazy person. But for some reason he just needed to cry.

If I could just transition his mind from yelling at me to any new idea even crying then maybe he'd calm down. He did he listened to me say 39 and then he cried.

I passed out for a little bit I mean I was just really at the end and I fell over asleep. I don't have it to go on so I just pass out.

Now he' s sleeping. I should be too. I can't I feel like crying myself. He's a new kind of miserable. Pain with a little puberty mixed in. Under all of his problems there is a very frustrated teenager who thinks his mom is preventing him from having fun. In his mind we could live at the Zoo. BUT WHY?

The zoo was a disaster and I am still paying for it.

His tooth is hurting so badly. He's yelling at me. He says BUT WHY? WHAT?? after every thing I say. He is trying to force his way. He's huge. I have several appointments this week. Including an In home visit.

I quit drinking coffee everyday. So today, in my hour of need. I am getting a sugar free vanilla latte from Coffee Tea and bean. My sister is on her way with it now. Can you think of anything better? I drank my protien shake and now I am going to have coffee.

Everything is going to be ok.......

It's overcast, marine layer.... so we are going to the Zoo!

Pictures to follow.

I know I am pushing him and he's tired but a kid needs fun and I will take this slow and probably just do a couple of sections.

But still ZOOO DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS Happy Birthday sister!

Zach's foot bone
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

These are Zachary's X Rays.
I was across the hall but could not resist snalling a photo and hoping you can tell it's a foot! We are off to the hospital today and we should have some blood test results in. Answers or more questions but at least things are dieng done and we are going forward.

The doc can blow up the zxray and really take a close look at the bones. It was kind of cool. I am not sure how much radiation I was exposed to that week. He also had mouth X rays taken as well as multiple X rays of his foot.

Thank you my best blog friends for your kindness. I actually think of you while I am waiting around there....obvisioulsy or I would not have wipped out my camera for such a thrilling shot of Zach's bones!

Thursday, I have to talk to the doctor about Zachary's penis.

I have emailed him reagarding this matter and I tell you, it's not something I want to talk about in person.

I tried to email the doctor to avoid talking to him about it. Today I got his response email.

"lets talk about this on Thurs during your follow up visit"

Help me!


Hello, doctor my son is just entering puberty. He doens' t want my help in the bath tub anymore. I am not sure if he is taking proper care of his penis. At this point I should be on the floor rolled over trying not to piss myself.


When my ex and I were at the hospital because of false labor which by the way was worse than my real labor. We happened to be next to a baby that had a botched circumcision. So they had to "CUT MORE OFF" The screams still haunt me and at that moment my ex and I delcared no way were we letting the military butchers cut off the end of our son's penis.

I didn't know I would be a single mother and I didn't know my son would be autistic and now he is a , hey don't touch me kind of kid. Now, I have to talk to doctors about a penis and circumcision. I don't have that kind of maturity.

Zach will look at me mortified and I will fall apart in laughter.

My grandfather warned me that the day would come where I payed for this. After Thursday I might have to call him up and tell him he was right! I hope not though.

I hope you had a Happy Mothers Day!

We started out going for our traditional movie marathon and ended up with the traditional Nap.
He is going teen ager on me and that means better movies! But less room on the couch.
We had some fun and I hope you all did too.

I have three days until my next doctors apointment! What am I going to do? Laundry! Also I hope to finish with this closet and book purging I started.

Why do I make a bigger mess when my intention is to clean? I still have too many things. I am trying to get rid of all nic nacks...... this is insane. I don't mind book ends or picture frames a few candle sticks but the rest...... what is the point?

Of course I have to start thinking about who gave it to me and then I know I am in trouble.

It's a huge mess here. I know I will be glad that I took the time to sort and donate instead of just throwing things out. This is better for the environment. Good for the janitors kids who have nothing and some of Zach's stuff is brand new.

I used to buy things out of desperate hope that it would help him or work for us. Hell, I used to buy stuff just to get him to leave the store with me. Only for him to never touch it agian. Oh I am glad to say goodbye to the those times and stuff that came with it.

Lets face it. I am making room for my future. A bigger kid, with bigger toys and bigger fits.

Zach was fitted for a new brace. I am so glad because I cast is not going to work.
We have to do weight bearing excercises. This is kind of good for me becaue I 've been dieting and just getting a work out started. We'll do it together now. Also, he will be able to swim this summer.

I think they will go ahead and take out his wisdom teeth on this next mouth surgery. This would make it necessary for us to stay a few days in the hospital but it will be the end of tooth extractions and teething issues. I am glad to know this is in the works. Something will be over with. OH what a feeling!

So we've got so many tests out at the labs. Hoping to get some answers in a couple of weeks.


It was crueling at the hospital and yet I think it saved our summer by having all the docs weigh in on this leg issue. It's just not ok to imobilize him. Poor kid can not escape the pain.

He's cute, he is learning that mom can be "just joking" It is very sweet to see the wheels turning in his head and see him come back and tell me, " Are you joking?"

Zachary has multiple fractures in his ankle and foot.
He needs a cast for at least six weeks. usually more with low bone desity.

The problem with a cast is that imobilizing his leg that has complex regional pain syndrome will worsen the complex regional pain syndrom. If I don't cast him he could heal wrong or do more damage to his bones.

Back to the hospital first things this morning. Looks like many vists are in my near future.

We see the dentist and then an orthopedic surgeon.

We went in early for blood test last week and the tests had to be sent out so it really wasn't as helpful as I thought it would be.
the results will most likely get us referred to an endocrinologist. One was consulted already, to help order the appropriate tests.

This is adding two more doctors to the five I see consitently already. Not to mention the fear of fragility fractures. This requires a change in lifestyle. Your ankle is one thing but the spine is not ........well..... I am not going to spell it out .....everyone knock on wood right now.

Zach and Mattie

Zach and Mattie
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Another day at the hospital.......

What makes it tolerable? A dog of course!

Mattie's story

Love on 4 paws is a terrific organization. The kids really do feel better after petting the dogs.

I often think that one day Zach will have a dog and we will be able to visit seniors or kids stuck in the hospital. I will never forget the first dog Zach met at a Hospital. It happened to be at Huntington Hosp. I had called 911 because he was turning blue. He had not slept for days. They admitted us and a dog camee to visit. I threw a blanket on the floor. The dog and Zach laid down and for the first time in days and days, Zachary fell asleep. So did the dog!

We've met Mattie before. We have a picture of zach and Mattie on the cell phone. So Zach was comfortable with her and took her leash and walked her around the waiting room and told her she was a good girl.

Mattie is a featured story on www.Loveon4Paws.org go check it out.
if you have a sweet dog and are interested in volunteering, you will find information on that on the site.

Dr. G

Hey, Jen. Can you come in tomorrow? Can you come in and go to the lab first so we have the results by the time I see you?

Me, yes, Thank you

Dr. G. I've called a cople of Docs to see if they can see Zach in house. If they can't you'll have to go to the Ortho Hospital.

Me, OK, Thank you.

Me. Google low bone minerization in children.

I predict nothing shows up on the tests and that would be good news. More mystery is better than a known cause in this case.

Doctor called got my voice mail,

Jen x rays don't look good. You have to go to Ortho. Keep zach limited mobilty. We are thinking of a cast. Please email me with an update on how he is.

Talk to you soon.

Doctor G


What I am thinking...... I do not what to do summer in a cast....we need to swim......why the hell didn't I move to a lower lever?
OMG I have been letting Zach walk! I am in a visicous cycle of guilt and revocovery to motivation to bad news..... numb........to guilt...... to motivated......to bad news......... numb. Ok, just fight for a brace that comes off and then worry about cycle later.

Damn you salizar! ( anyone know where this saying comes from?)

Jippy U make me sick!

I got this comment on the video of zachary twenty seconds of pain. I checked it out and it came from a kid so I said I didn't mind. One comment led to another and someone chimed in to defend me and I said this is a kid standing up for another kid. ......... eventually I got this email from him...... I had aready told him I thought he was a hero and would make a good big brother. He stood up for zach not knowing him and thinking ( and I see why) it was horrible of a mother to put this video up on the internet. Dillion is 13 with A D H D ... he is sweet!

hello i posted another comment it didnt post it could have ben 2 long ... i said i was sorry 4 what i said 2 U i just wanted U 2 know that i have A cousin hes 12 hes retareded my aunt has 2 dress him & wash him he still wears diapers he can walk & say A few words hes verry smart in his own way i have A D H D i can get wackyyyy sometimes my cousin hits him self & he bangs his head on the wall ... when i saw the video of zach i just thought is was some kids my age play fighting like i do with my sister & lil brother when i seen it i felt bad & sorry 4 him its how i am i really cryed when i seen that it really hurt me i just dont think is was right 2 post that on the internet 4 the whole world 2 see but i showed it 2 my mother & she told my why just like U say its 2 help other's if U have msn messenger plzz add me add me ........@hotmail.com or yahoo messenger ...........@yahoo.com or aim .............. plzz read this 2 zach 4 me im sure he cant read but thats ok .. hi zach i hope U get well soon & i hope all your pain goes Away even know i dont know U but my hart goes out 2 U love Dillon

Make your own KFC sign at KentuckyFriedCruelty.com

The cute story.

On the way home we see a Hersey kiss car. Like the Oscar Meyer weiner car but with three kisses.
We stop becasue it looks fun. zach plays some game and it turns out to be a fund raiser for Children's Hosp. " I just came from there" I fill out a form to win..... I don't even know what. .... so she hands me a mic and says look in the camera and say this...... I said what for? Oh just two people will see it so the judges know who you are. OK I can't leave Zach is into it.

I am now entered into the sweetest mom in America contest. I say Hi my name is Jennifer I am from Pasadena. Zach grabs the mic and says and " I am Mr. Zachary" Oh it was sooo cute! I am Mr. Zachary from Pasadena! I was so into that .....I nothing more to say to the camera but I like the traditional kisses. I give them out for no reason at all........

As soon as it was over I kept thinking everyones knows the best kisses come from mom and hershey's ...... I called a friend and told her to go do it and say that......she said, I can't I have PMS......I said good its free chocolate! LOL

Kissmobile Click around you can enter with a video of yourself and my slogan is up for grabs!

I waited and I waited and I waited.

A waiting room isn't a nursery. I know you want to sit down veg out and let your kids roam.
I broke up two fights. I got pushed out of the way by someone who ignored their child long enuogh for him to trample over three of us to get to the kid holding the remote for the nintendo game. I mentioned to a women three times that her kid just might have to go to the bathroom. Finally, she looks at her kid who was ummmmm picking his seat. Later, I see her coming out of the bathroom and she smiles at me like I had magical powers of the a child wisperer....He did have to go! ( oh boy!)

Why oh why can't they say hi. You come to this country, you have children here. You are going to a place where other children don't need to feel any worse than they already do. Please learn how to say hi or at least put a freaking smile on your face. I understnd enough spanish to know that you are laghing at how you think what you are saying is going right over my head. How even your child understands you. Wake up you are in America. Funny thing is.... everyone else noticed that I did know what you were saying. You are oblivious! When your kid comes to steal my kids toy and my kid smiles and says hi........the least you can do is say hi back. Oh yeah take a shower before you go out in public....

I had asked the dentist if they could lower this tooth into place and not pull it and they laughed at me and told me they don't do that. OF course what did the surgeon suggest they'd try first? Placing the tooth in the proper position. Bad news it will take four to six weeks to get a surgery date..... what the?

So basically I will be monitoring a chemical straight jacket becasue the pain is getting so bad. I wonder what if this tooth breaks out. This will be so messed up. No wonder I am bitching about waiting room behavior..... I also started raggin about my freinds boyfriend instead of comforting her. Arg. I am just tired and looking at super human feat coming up.
Did I mention I have been dieting and working out? Zach isn't too happy about this crap.

I have to go back tomorrow. I do not want too. Did I mention that they sent me to xray his leg today. He has osteropeana so that's low calcium of the bones. So he's getting ready to go to rehad and I by the time his name comes up he'll be full on crazy tooth pain.

Ok I'll stop bitching. I have a sweet story too.

It's that day again. I am trying to be in the now. Fit my healthy lifstyle into this hospital situatioin.
I really just want it over and to be having a good summer.

I see the surgeon and he is the man I need to talk too. I have two appointments Thurs. and one on Friday.

I hope I get sleep tonight. I am so tired and I want to be sharp when I talk to the docs.

A Bicycle Dream

A Bicycle Dream
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Zachary's Red Racer
It's on a trainer in his room. He is in love. He had a photo of this bike on the fridge for of couple years. He updated the photo and took care to point it out to me. He is a fan of the movie Triplets of Bellville. The boy in the movie has many autistic qualities. He has a red race bike and he rides in the Tour De France. I think Zach identifies with him. He wants a dog named Bruno too. One dream at a time kid. .....

Zachary set to Mad World. Zach has a tooth that has to be pulled because there is not enough room for it to come in. It' s triggering his pain disorder. He's very brave. The video lost quality when it was compressed. Technically, it's a mess but I still like it....... Isn't that so typical Jippy?

RSD-Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/CRPS-Complex Regional Pain

CRPS aka RSD - Pain Syndrome

Three times a charm at Children's Hospital.


I have to go back three times next week.

I spent the day there yesterday.

I talked to the doctor on the phone last night.

We have a plan for the weekend.

I have to change Zach's diet again.

It's just like old times.



GOOD NEWS!

I mean you can't know how good this is for us. We went down the street to the Disney store on Hollywood Blvd.
We found the blue Dynaco lightening Mcqueeen car! the little one This has been a source of nightmares for me. Now I just need to find Sarge and Filmore. LOL

Poor Zach, We were just outside the Disney store he's having a pain episode and we can't get out of the car. If ever anyone thought this was a tantrum . You know what kid pitches a fit delaying going in the store he wants, to buy basicallly what ever he wants..... We had a twenty minute window and we ran in and scored! He fell apart again and it took a long time to get home but when we did and added the new car to our collection He told me it was perfect.

awwww

Hospital Day.

Zach is up and down and up and down. Thank god for the internet. I 've been online causing trouble. Also just sitting with him playing nurse. He is so sweet one minute and then tooth pain kicks in and well you've seen that video.

He can still hobble around and that is the most important thing.


PROGRESS ON MY VIDEO WORK!!!! I am doing editing tutorials on my computer. I have a couple of different formats in video and I have to convert them to digital. I just need to do this before I make other decisions. So I am watching the videos and imagine the teachers naked. JUST kidding!

Also boxing up books for the library.

My little joke of a work out program but I just wanted to give it a slot of time and see if I can keep it a priority. As long as Zach isn't in the Hosp. I am forcing myself into the equation of health and well being.

celuloid_blonde_award_ii
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Celuloid Blonde Award
Celluloid Blonde Award

I HAVE TO FIX A LINK AND PUT IN THE CREDITS..... I AM NOT DONE HERE.

My favorite posts from my Link toos.......... AKA blog roll..............

Celluloid Blonde Read every word she writes. Here is something she wrote on love. You might find yourself there, captured in a couple of words. My favorite post of hers changes all the time. I went with the first one that came to mind. Love, I swear to god I am not thinking about love, not in any way. Except maybe this, read Max, you'll love her! I have to say, with Max, Never Judge a Post by it's Cover! The gold is in the comments. ( PS be careful she' not tolerant of ......well, just go find out for yourself.)

The Show Must Go On I am just going to link to her current post. It sums up who she is so well. She is fun, cool and sentimental. Her heart just makes yours open. She's an experience. She's got energy, she is keeping up with her teenagers and she's living large in her own world. I want to be able to do that. She gave me the secret code to get a hold of her on the down low. You know what I mean, that's sweet, sweet, sweet.


A Family Story She is the last person you would think would be getto cool but she is...... GO SEE! She does a fun thing every Monday. A different person is in charge of it every Mon. She has Picture Fridays. The cutest little girls in the world! Confessions of a working mom " I have totally crawled into Audreys crib to get her to sleep once or twice. " She totally posted about my little man Zach. I love her just for that. She surprised me when she went out on a limb and got a little controversial. She got lots of comments and many bloggers express their points of view on her post, SHould pre-school be mandatory? She gets a humanitarian award from me. I said this before, If I was her, I would be a snotty biotch. She could be but instead she opens her world and shares it freely. I so enjoy knowing her.


Moving J Wards, I am linking to her video and you really should vote for it. Zach made is own response to it ( that's You Tube Talk ) Her Toby is an Extra cute baby! I expect great things from this woman. She has the gift of discernment. I don't know what that means but I like how she interprets things. if I ever make it Oprah she promises to come and hold my purse or pass out tissues. One post I loved was when she grabbed the green food coloring instead of vanilla while making oatmeal cookies. LOL I laughed so hard when I saw the green cookies on her blog. Another favorite post of hers is ......buying a lie. You've got to click around on her blog. I predict she will write a novel one day. I don't know why I just think she will.


In My Shoes my favorite post of hers is called' hello 'because she finally after three years got a communication device appraoved for PARTIAL payment from her insurance company. I also loved that she put up the Zachary badge on her site. I am having trouble linking to my post so it's a general link but you are so lucky becasue if you scroll down to April 12. "coming up for Air" you'll see she gives me a big thank you and a shout out! LOL you can't miss it! She is going through a lot and she has been a huge support to me.


Pooks AKA The green goddes. Writers Do You Suffer? You'll see the post came from a question from a student ( I think) How kind of her to make it a post and then..... she helped me personally, answering a question I had in the comments. How generous. I learned about the green miles, when she takes her bike instead of driving. I am freakin hauted right now because she wrote another post about writing or it's kind of how the her brain works while writing.... something like that and I loved it. Maybe I will find it later.

LOLO LOLO is my BFF So, I have to mention her here. She is a CRAPTASTIC! blogger. I mean it. She can go forever with out posting. Also it Is a covert operation so people she knows don't know it's hers and she can say anything. We talk in code because we like it. To stay out of trouble. Her blog sends her emails to her work computer so it's almost been taken over by me trying to get the her to call me. What the fuck call more often! I am kidding. sort of... My favorite post of hers is, The Shift, just skip to the end where she says I am so smart! : )

Zach does Kill My TV ( a response)

This is a video response, go vote for the original Give it a High Five A star is born!

Has it come to a world where our campus have to have Gunman Loose on Campus Drills and Procedures?

Amy, is a A Hoki fan is a Virginia Tech Alum. She is "worse" than Pooks who is a foot ball fan, mostly Cowboys. ( I tried to link to one her Pooks football posts but It didn't work.)

*****If this stuff is too sad, like you've seen it over and over again on the news..... just hit the Pooks link and stay there. Her Payton Manning video will make you laugh. You know what I just for one day, I'd want to put Zach on his team.....I already know what would happen....Zach would tackle him to the ground......that might be funny too**********

I am just learning about teams and fans. I didn't know what I was missing out on. With the joy of victory comes the agony of defeat. And today the pain of loss..... I am not sure if any of us can ever understand. Virginia Tech has now replaced the University of Texas Austin for the record of the largest killing spree on a campus. It's very very sad.

Amy is really compassionate and sweet and I know she is sick over this tragic situation. Aren't we all?

This blog was up yesterday, I have no idea how they could know all of this

I just hope to present this and hope that when we read it, we somehow, in sharing her appreciation for and her celebration of Virginia Tech, that we help these kids, teachers and their families with our good thoughts.

Amy's VT Posts

Now more stuff I stole from Amy for this tribute. ( hopefully A picture will follow)

The origin of the word "Hokie" has nothing to do with a turkey. It was coined by O. M. Stull (class of 1896), who used it in a spirit yell he wrote for a competition.

Hoki, Hoki, Hoki, Hy.
Techs, Techs, V.P.I.
Sola-Rex, Sola-Rah.
Polytechs - Vir-gin-ia.
Rae, Ri, V.P.I.
(V.P.I. stands for Virginia Polytechnic Institute).


The Hokie Bird, is modeled on a large turkey, has been the official sport mascot of Virginia Tech since 1961.

A blog buddy did this and we have to vote for them so they can have a new TV
http://h30044.www3.hp.com/hptv/home/View.aspx?entryId=140

A place to vote give it a five on the rating it deserves it!


Give it a High Five


moving j-wards the good people who made this

Best Actress
Best Director
Best Baby
Best song

Although, I don't ever want to piss these people off. Their aim is too good. So vote everyday, it's allowed.

HE IS WALKING!

HE is putting his foot all the way down on the floor.

More to follow...... just wanted to shout it out!

What is a Mitochondrial Disorder?

Basis of the Disease

Mitochondrial diseases result from failures of the mitochondria, specialized compartments present in every cell of the body except red blood cells. Mitochondria are responsible for creating more than 90% of the energy needed by the body to sustain life and support growth. When they fail, less and less energy is generated within the cell. Cell injury and even cell death follow. If this process is repeated throughout the body, whole systems begin to fail, and the life of the person in whom this is happening is severely compromised. The disease primarily affects children, but adult onset is becoming more and more common.

Diseases of the mitochondria appear to cause the most damage to cells of the brain, heart, liver, skeletal muscles, kidney and the endocrine and respiratory systems.

Depending on which cells are affected, symptoms may include loss of motor control, muscle weakness and pain, gastro-intestinal disorders and swallowing difficulties, poor growth, cardiac disease, liver disease, diabetes, respiratory complications, seizures, visual/hearing problems, lactic acidosis, developmental delays and susceptibility to infection.

So we are focused on quality of life here.

Zach has given himself a black eye and maybe broke his nose. I put frozen peas on his face and I'll see what it looks like tomorrow. He can heal fast with things like this so it could be fine tomorrow. It just looked really bad. He's much bigger now than when he was going through this teething, mouth pain.

I got ready for it today. I have everything I need to handel it here. If he breaks through all of his meds and all of my tricks then I'll try to get him to Children's Hopital or I'll call 911. I have had to do that twice before because he was turning blue. I could not get him stable. He gets some morphine and hopefully sleep.

Now that I wrote this and took into consideration that he is bigger, the doc can go higher on the pain meds. There are increased right now but I have no idea what the limit is so I won't shy away from calling the doctor. I hate to call them.

I have even stocked up on some food for me. I am trying to be really strong and healthy during the hard times. I haven't pulled it off in the past and quit trying.

The best part about this is that it's the last tooth until his molars become a problem. I used to do this ......well for years one tooth after another and it was a violent hell. So one more time............

It will be ok.

D 10, sugar in the IV

DSC04167
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

A little sugar and a nap, It would help anyone. We got to go home but still not walking.

X Ray

DSC04160
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Nothing shows up on the X Ray.

Another Day in the Emergency Department

DSC04156
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

For some unknown reason Zachary is unable to walk today.

Off to the Hospital.......hope mom didn't over do it........ You play you pay, I guess.

eggs

eggs
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

What a team, he got them all. Isn't he cute!

easter

easter
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

A little help from cousins

Happy Easter!

Zach had a blast! He hurt his foot and his cousin gave him a piggy back ride while he called out the color of egg he saw and the other cousin picked up the eggs. These are older boy cousins and I didn't think they would want anything to do with Easter ............... What great kids they are. I held back the tears but my heart was so overwhelmed. In a good way. Looks like I am back to the wheel chair for a while.

I won't be around as much but I will try to check in. DOn't forget about me.......

JIPPY SAVES THE DAY


I just made of point of having fun. I am just having vacation envy.

I put some feelers out on a project and the main shark I work for ......well, I forgot his girlfriend is in the business too. Some dude with money keeps playing with them claiming he'll match funds......when he knows they can't get the rest of the money. Whatever, they keep wanting to keep projects for their big cross over deal. Actors eat up what little money they have to be held for a project but they won't sign a letter of intent or let you use their name to help raise money. Actors hate that........ It's just the deepest end of the bullshit. The thing is this crap used to work out for me in a weird way. Now it's just not anymore.
If it's possible I would actually like to know what the hell I am doing..........

I do want to do an online class ( I am hoping Max will put in a good word for me) but I was waiting for Zach's surgery date.

It's not canceled it's postponed. I got a call from the hospital and they will call me back to reschedule. I hate when I say ok I am going to wait for this or that and ............the waiting gets extended...... I have to learn to be more fluid with life. I was type A neurotic and I liked it better that way. Oh well.


Don't worry if I go MIA for a while..... I timed this surgery close and now that it has been delayed I may have to deal with this tooth trying to cut through the gums. I am going to try to get one of his doctors to pull some strings for us.

On the other hand so many things are getting better that I am willing for more good to come. ( as long as I don't crack the whip on myself the second we are not in the mist of hell. )

WATCH THIS VIDEO AND A DONATION WILL BE MADE.
SAME FOLKS ON OPRAH TODAY!


What kind of World Do You Want

John Ondrasik- who is the lead singer of the music group Five for Fighting
has a charity where you make a video of 'what kind of world do you want"-
On his site he has made a few of his own personal choices & The charity Autism Speaks was one of them!
(Everytime someone downloads this video or a video you make- 49 cents goes towards the charity designated for each video)
The link below is the actual video for Autism Speaks- It is very BEAUTIFUL!- Towards the end keep reading the words-
It really is a world any parent that has a child with Autism would want..

In My Shoes I stole this from here the post and everything.

She is having some trying times with her little one with autism. So we are sending her some good wishes and prayers.

SET YOUR TIVOS

WEDNESDAY ECHOS OF AUTISM ON WORLD NEWS WITH CHARLES GIBSON


THURSDAY FAMILIES WITH AUTISM ON OPRAH


ZACHARY IS BATTTING 1000!

Yep, If you ckick go to my Jippyjabberchannel Zachary's Blinking Video just hit 1000 views. A STAR IS BORN!
He is working on a special response video to one of his favorite You Tubers. You'll have to wait and see......


GUILT

Some times I pretend like nothing is wrong. I believe it so much that I start bitching myself out for not being more successful. I am such a fucking slacker. I was proabably never going to amount to anything anyways. I just haven't gotten it done. Why do I still live here? Where are the vacation pictures? Zachary swimming with the dolphins. IS this all I can give him?

Do you think three Easter baskets will make up for it? He picked out three baskets when he saw them. I realized then that he won't have easter with his cousin. I didn't want to fight with him in the store. The truth is I wanted him to win even if we did. He knows almost every present he ever gets. I know It's sounds so great, "The Nanny." The truth is he is a two person job and I rarely leave them alone. I can't risk loosing her.

He is freaking out now and I am in a mode. How can I blame this on me? I recognise this search mode going through my mind and red lights start flashing. I'll go comfort him.

I know we are OK. Oh the snake of guilt the slithering fuck. I let my gaurd down. It's those lonely easter baskets. I'll think of something ........now that I have named the beast. He likes those plastic eggs. I can hide them and he'll find gummy lifesavers in them and maybe some hot wheels. He will be surprised, maybe even looking for a bunny somewhere. Sometimes it's not so bad when I pretend like nothing is wrong.

Autism Acceptance

IF YOU HAVE NORMAL KIDS...DON'T LET THEM BE AFRAID....OUR KIDS NEEDS FRIENDS.. THIS BOOK CAN HELP..

Autism Acceptance

RIPPED-
The Autism Acceptance Book is an interactive, educational, and character-building book that introduces children to the challenges faced by people with autism while also supporting their personal journey toward appreciating and respecting people's differences.
This book offers educational information, conversation-starters, and engaging exercises that invite children to "walk in someone else's shoes" as they learn to treat others the same ways they would like to be treated themselves.

Autism Acceptance

SHOUT OUT

To a very special Girl Scout troop! They are "BUDDIES" to an AUTISM CLASSROOM! You girls are SWEET! I'll never forget!

APRIL IS AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH


Jennifer,
I want to let you know that the audience of 90 physicians (mostly family
practitioners and pediatricians) were absolutely riveted to the sceen when I
showed those brief clips of your son! I am absolutely sure that those are
images that they will remember forever. And I am also sure, by the looks on
their faces as well as the questions asked of me afterwards, that my purpose was
served - in fact, I saw lots of nodding in the audience when I told them that I
do not think these children should be assessed and responded to in the same way
as other,non-autistic children, when they aggress, including self aggression.

I have to say that my experience dealing with families of children with autism
is that these are - you are - the most generous of parents, really trying to
help educate others. That is a wonderful effort on your part.

I am really humbled and honored to be even a small part of that.

thanks again, so very much.

Debra

Dr. Debra found the videos of Zachary on You Tube and contacted me for permission to use them.

Don't worry about me

Don't worry about me

No more biting or hitting

No biting No hitting

20 seconds of pain

20 seconds of Pain

I DECIDED TO CUT MY HAIR LAST NIGHT

I don't know why I do this. It's never been THIS bad!

Can this be fixed? Are Bangs in style?

The Princess Bride

I am starting a new thing YOU TUBE SATURDAY! I give you ode to Max and Valliant........ : )

INTRODUCING ROBOT ZACHARY



Sometimes I am like a lifegaurd and I sit and I sit and the kid feels calm and he falls asleep but if I move or think about moving or breathe deeply as if I am sleeping he jolts up in a panic.

Zach s calm now. Who wouldn't be calm holding your mother hostage and making her stand gaurd duty against god knows what evil paranoia that lurks in your head. There is no warning when life gaurd or I guess, sleep gaurd duty calls.

To help put him to sleep. I pretended to be robot mommy and tickle him. He used to get violent when I tried to play with him, YOU ARE NOT ROBOT MOMMY, YOU ARE MY MOTHER! He did say that today just through the laughter. Over the years I have learned how to quit just before it's too much for him. I hear his laughter so rarely.

Then I noticed his arms moving weird and I thought something was wrong. Dear god what happened? He's rigid and wow they were moving like a robot! and quietly like a mouse I heard. I am robot zachary.... Oh how I wanted to make a big deal out of this! This is a beautiful moment when you just want to let the tears burts out becasue the heavans parted and the love is shining down on you. Your kid just played with you in this way for the first time and he's thirteen years old.

( So excuse me if I let the tears out now. ( My beautiful robot how I'd love to play with you some more. )

I said, Oh you tickle mommy, let me see how to shut off Robot Zachary and I reached back behind his neck and pretended to turn off Robot zachary. You are not robot zachary, you are just my Zachary. He snuggled in close to me and I held him like he was five. Because his mind is five.

When Zachary does something new you have to keep a limit on it. Its as if he really formed a new neuro pathway for this and it should be treated like a raw exposed nerve. If I want him to be able to play the loud ROBOT ZACHARY I have to keep the new quiet robot zachary protected and gently let this pathway build up strength.

This is the best thing I have ever figured out about how his brain works.

STILL AWAKE


My neighbor just left for work, 5 am. My son is wide awake. His breathing is a little stressed so I have to remind him to "BREATHE" His body wants to be asleep. Every part of him is tired. But he is STILL AWAKE. I gave him a bath. I put on cozy PJ's well his best sleeping shirt and his favorite boxers. I am trying every trick in the book. This has been happening for days ok the past couple of weeks. His nanny came today. I was hanging on until she got here. I saw her breifly on Monday, I was a real grouch to her. I told her I wasn't living my life according to her idiosyncrasies. She just keeps coming up with more of them. She couldn't stay long enough for me to sleep, because she has a morning and evening class on Mondays. Today, I let her in, told I was sorry for being such a bitch the other day then laid down on my bed, she walked in Zach's room came back and I was out cold.

She cleaned my fucking kitchen. I swear the nicer I am to her the more spoiled she gets and when I am grouchy she's doing me favors and she actually stopped Zach several times from waking me and then agreed to take him for a walk. They went to the Corner Bakery which is literally just around the corner. He ate four pieces of bread, not the best choice for a boy with autism. So no pizza for him this week. Then he dragged her to the bookstore. NO WHEEL CHAIR!

I woke up, got in the car drove to the bookstore parking lot, called her and she said, I don't think we can make it home we went all the way to the bookstore. Oh mamma knows, mamma knows.

So bring it on Zachary! I am all recharged...........

Thinking Blogger Award
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged,She tagged me write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme, Home of the Thinking Blog Award
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

That was that! Please, remember to tag blogs with real merits, i.e. relative content, and above all - blogs that really get you thinking!

I have been working on a best of my blog roll post. I thought i would link to my favorite post of all my favorite blogs. This is harder than I thought it would be but it does make this a little easier to do. I can't Tag Back, so A Family Story makes the editing floor by default. NObody should get mad at me because, I didn't tag my BFF or The Nicest Blogger. The Show Must Go On. First thing that comes to mind is her empathy and compassion. She is a living breathing human being and she feels life. I love that she fights for the fun and the interesting. She's a firecracker, up on politics, hip with rock music and her soul lusts for europe. Mostly, France and she easts chocolate in her sleep! I love how she loves people. Her post on her son's wedding night OMG it's great. The great coke blak experiment is a favorite. You can't go wrong on her blog. Yeah, there is just enough strange and unusal there ( Sleep Walk Freak) to keep you wondering what is next with this chick. Go to her blog she'll make you happy. ....

YOU ARE NOW TAGGED!

1)Celluloid Blonde Ok ,she is precision thinking at it's best. She is sharp as they come and not only requires that you think but you do it fast. She's got integrity And she has edge. She makes you think and think up. Reading her triggers both sides of your brain into action, it's almost subliminal, it's fun and a little like getting on that big ride you swore you never would at the amusment park. But you trust her and when you land safely.....you are like, damn! I wanna walk home from school with that girl.

2)Moving J- Wards What can I say, she has the soul of mother earth. She is an artist and she has a keen vision. She is a very conscious person. Her comments are always spot on, she understnads what I am saying better than I do. She is the one to watch. Her blog is a memeber of Kind Blog. She plays the viola and she makes me dream as much as she makes me think.

3)Pooks I have referred to her as the green goddess. She has me thinking and taking action! Buying green light bulbs and supporting local retailers. I hope this earns my forgiveness for laughing at her for beinng a football fan. Can you imagine she has me thinking about, Politics, Football, Global Energy and damn if she didn't inspire me to cook twice! Nachos once and once just to show off my plates. She is a bit of a mystery too, and that always keeps my attention.

4) Anatomy of a book deal He always asks questions on his blog. He really makes you think. He is very open with his own inner journey as a novelist. I named him as my blog crush. I am pathetic if I go on about him here. .......He is awesome, intelligent, nice to everyone, funny, try his audio files...... ok, I am stopping.

5)Wog Girl Meets World This blog is a great read. She is Bosnian living in Australia, merging two cultures and two generations with a war in the mix of it all. She is about to get her novel publish and she has several short stories linked for you to read. When you read her blog, there is no bullshit there, this is how it is right now, this what I am doing about it, and it kind of centers you on your own truth.

Thinking Blogger Award
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

WOW! Amy atA FAMILY STORY
Has TAGGED Jippyjabber with a THINKING BLOGGER AWARD
Down right irony at it's finest!
today I say THANK YOU AMY! tomorrow I pass it on....

BRETT BATTLES IS HAVING A CONTEST!

It's totally rigged and if he pulls my name out of a hat he'll put it back in.......... Just kidding!

IT'S EASY TO ENTER

Just reccommend your favorite book and link to the author if you want. That is it and you could win a signed pre-released copy of his book.

THE CLEANER

Some interesting books have already been listed by the entrants. If you have a favorite book then you've got what it takes to play. I think the list is worth checking out even if you don't want to enter.

Time to Win Again!

You'll see that I entered My Blog Crush Robert Gregory Browne's Kiss Her Goodbye. Don't get me wrong Brett is right up there in the blog crush category. He is the a perfect man. This is how it works. You read an awesome book and you go, who fucking wrote this? I have to meet this guy.........These are those guys.... : )

American Idol

Buns and chou chou are the best and they do American Idol in this one!

FIRST TIME DRIVING-

Mom, "The school called, You've been late to school too many times."

Me, "Graham's buss has been late, I put him on the buss and run to school."

Mom, "Take the car."

Me, "I'll get in trouble if they see me driving. You can't drive when you are ten."

Mom, " Park down the street."


I remembered this crazy conversation with my mother after reading Dudes Where's My Car? And comments over at The Show Must Go On.

Babysitter nightmare

It is a babysitter nightmare, also a lesson to be learned. IF you leave your kids with a babysitter and you have a hot car in the garage, Don't leave the keys laying around!

Give it a click and you'll get a good read

CHASING STRAYS

I had this flash back of cat food samples that I gave to a neighbor, to give to the stray, that lives by my parking space which is actually closer to her apartment. Ever since this girl moved in she has taken over the feeding of our stray. She wasn't home today so I left her a note and hid in my car for this bad ass cat. I have karma with this cat.

It's a true cat burgler. I fed this lost cat once, because it was lost and hungry and not a real ferral cat. Our stray was so mad that it came into my apartment ( while I was gone) tried to get Zach's Joe fish. A gold fish the size of a slice of bread.

There was a lid on the tank so the cat decided to pee on my fish tank stand. Then the cat jumps up on my table and takes my beta fish. I know this because eventially I found the partcially eaten fish near my front door.

This was one mad cat. Cut to the chase and I mean literally. Today, I chased the stray ( I didn't get too far he knows some tricks) to look for signs of kidney failure. The only sign I have is that he actually came out in the light of day. Why?

I guess I can call the humane society and see if they will check on him. Or is he a goner if I make this call? I would miss our cat burgler. But the numbers ( don't picture a number, picture that many animals in a big gymnasiam) of beloved family pets lost are just heart wrenching.

For the real scoup on this, and for all things smart and fabulous, check out Max, at Celluloid Blonde update ii : emergency pet food recall

Today, I paid full price $24.00 for the Happy Feet video from a small video store. I told the guy that I could have bought the video at Wal Mart for $15.87. He said, I would be supporting poverty. Instead of creating my own ? I smiled at him.
He said, well, they use welfare for their health care. I said, Do you have health care working here? NO, but we get paid better working here. I just kind of laughed. I said, I know I am doing the right thing buying the video here.

Pooks will tell you why. She was the inspiration for my green light bulbs on St. Patricks Day idea. We have to walk the talk people. She really does it. A green goddess

79aa_poster_domestic
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

DID I SAY I WANTED TO WORK ON MY SCRIPT?

It's a set up I am sure.
I am waiting for a surgery date for Zachary. Any day I'll get a call and they'll say no food at midnight and we will see how it goes if he has to stay in the hospital or if he can go home but he will get have to recover and he's getting worse waiting for the surgery.

I know it's a tooth that needs to come out. It sounds like nothing but he's got a pain disorder and anthing internal is amplified. He's growing too and it takes all the energy out of his cells.

How can I break this cycle? I don't know if I should write anything but when I almost won the big lottery. I felt my writing dreams step in and say no way man it doesn' t happen like that. LOL

Mean while the tutorials for Final cut Pro are easier for me to do right now. I think I want to take a class. I just really want to get out of here for a few hours a month. Then I might have clarity or just more enthusiasm.

I can't think when our sleep is so off. And it's usually off. You know I pay for sleep. I do, I pay the nanny to stay with zach and I sleep even if the rat falls asleep when I am sleeping I pay her to stay with two sleeping people here. Because I can't really sleep listening out for him So if I pay to sleep why wouldn't I pay to write. I should just include it on her schedule.

Having dreams even if you don't believe in them ( trust me ) it's important.

Premonition

A Day with the Ex's Ex.

I got a call from a friend.
She was almost Zachary's step mother. She was acting step mother for quite a while.
She never married Zach's father. I used to get blamed for that because I would not sign off on the back child support his dad owed and she didn't want to marry into that debt. I simply said, it's not my money to sign off on, it's Zachary's. OH, how I was the devil back then. Now, she thanks me...

She calls and says do you want to see Premonition? I said, I can't remember the last time I saw a grown up movie in the theatre. When and where? So here is the clever thing. I happen to be having lunch in a place that has an adjoining parking lot of this obscure theratre that happened to be playing movies early enough to accommodate my nanny's schedule. We finished lunch just in time for me to meet her at the movie. Cool.

( skip this if you want it's my review of how I felt watching the movie OR KEEP IN MIND I HAVE ISSUES INCLUDING WITH THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO ME WHILE WATCHING)

So this movie has you holding on. You are waiting and you are holding the puzzle pieces wondering where they will fit in and you are wanting to have a clue as to how they fit and you are hoping to god you can focus and remember how these sort out and then you think it's stretching my brain too much and you wonder hey maybe I am not supposed to hold on. Maybe let go and take the ride. Soon you hope that is the case because there are pieces you can't remember.
Then a character shows up and spits out some clue or glue to these pieces. It really pisses you off because you just let go of the pieces, in trust and hope of the picture being shown to you. Then you notice that this character, is what they call.....I guess..... exposition ( a talking head) and it's really bad. Especially, if you have ever met a person of this vocation. You will know that the writer probably never has.
So you love this movie and then you surrender to it and then you are mad as hell that you did. ...... but wait...............there is a chance to see greatness in this movie .....it would be so awesome and you would forget any frustration before it...... so you hold on again and you start to admire the rythm and it's exciting and then another fuckr who does not belong in this movie shows up and tells you something completely irrevalant and it's like a neon sign telling you some bullshit that makes you think out his storyline and he doesn't have one! You never see him again. Mother of God!
In the end you just don't care enough to be appeased by the parting shot.



MIGHT BE SPOILER
Then the woman who ran off with my husband who happens to be my friend now because life is strange says, to me, I don't understand the scene when the girl is waiting for the married man.............blah blah blah....... who waits for that? How come they didn't already do it by then? I looked her in the eye and thought.....some people never learn! I nearly wet myself laughing so hard.

Good News!
I saw some similar scenes that I have in my script and they look cool on screen. I was inspired to dust off my script. I mean what are the odds of me getting to see a movie? A movie that gives me a green light in an area that had me ummmmmm scared to write.


Zach Missed Me
I have spent the rest of the day and night making up my absence to Zachary. I used this to my advantage. I convinced him he needs to stop buying toys until we get a new toy shelf. I was so thrilled with myself with this idea. kids can be suckers.

white
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Pink
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Purple
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

I was inspired by Pooks. You should check out the comments. I think I should paint my kitchen blue. It's a cherry Yellow right now. When I was married we had black and white fiesta plates and now I have Pink, Purple and white. Which one makes you want to eat ?

Notice I said eat....and not referring to the food I have on the plate. That chicken is orange because I forgot about it and it was starting to burn so I put some water in there and it turned everything orange. So not even the cat wanted it until I rinsed it off and cut off the outside. LOL But my plates are cute.

Pooks Blue Plate Special

Max Saved Our Cat! Max is a genius!


The post emergency pet food recall is a true public service. You Have to go to her Blog to get the 411 on Contaminated Pet Food. If you have a pets you need to read the list. I tell you it isn't the cheap drug store brands. It's 30 plus "reputable" brands.

Read the comments and you will find out that there is more to know about feeding animals. A touching fact about getting three years more with her lovely dog Dolph taking him off crap food and giving him raw food.


emergency pet food recall

She is smart and she tells it like it is......"Take the food back to the store, Jennifer. It is a recall item." ( sarcasim? attitude? It must get tiring pointing out the obvious Ms. Adams. )

Alright, alright, I guess I should take back the nasty cat food and that bra that I can't wear because they left a big plastic anti theft thingy on it. Who steals bras?

I hate to take things back to the store, I always spend more than what I would be getting back.

Money is not my motivation on this one though. Max gave excellent advise even though she can be wonderfully sarcastic........ because I worried about the stray animals that would get into the dumpster if I threw out the contaiminated food. If you have some of the nasty stuff then return it becuase eventually some poor animal is going to wind up eating it if you don't. I don't know about you but I don't even need the karma of killing off a junk yard Rat.

Free Mrs. Kennedy
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Honk if you want to Free Mrs. Kennedy!

Free Mrs. Kennedy!

A Hero! I might have to move to New York.

Jameson's Irish Whiskey
Originally uploaded by misterbisson.

I like this Irish whiskey.

So in honor of St. Patricks day, I bought "green" light bulbs for all of my lamps. That is just how my brain works.

What's up doc.

It went well with the doctors. More apointments for Zachary. Turns out we will go in for IV more often instead of staying on the verge for so long.

There is a new rehab doctor that can help us with Zachary's foot drop. I look forward to that.

Also, a dental surgery is in the works. I don't look forward to that.

Zachary was a trooper and he got four race cars in the gift shop.

It's a hospital day. All routine so it should go well.

This is a portion of my email I sent to two family members. My mother is one of them. As far as I know she dosn't know about this blog. I have changed the names, except Zacharys. I just can't play this game for the next nine months. I want to feel safe at Christmas and happy.

I said that I hate Jesus at the end of the letter. Actually, The Nine Faces of Christ is one of my favorite books.

I have tried nicer, ways of drawing boundries over the years and I am exhausted from it. It's only March and I could not see myself shutting down for the rest of the year becase of this. So here I am spelling out the hard truth, the bottom line.

I hope I find something wonderful to do at Christmas for Zach.......... You are about to find out why.............

I have no intention of going to Florida or Orange County for Christmas.

I HAVE NO INTENTION OF GOING TO FLORIDA OR ORANGE COUNTY EVER FOR ANY REASON. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I AM NOT COMING BACK. Stop thinking that I will try to come. I won't try to come.



I am not going to Orange County. The older zachary gets the less patients I have to be around ( your husband) and act like I don't hate what happened to my life because of him. I can't come down there and act like I don't resent my mother for chooseing a man over me and to see how you aren't really living happily ever after, or to see that you are...... I am using all of my patients for my son. If you want to come up here and have a Christmas with Zachary great. I won't be angry with you if you don't. I am not coming to Orange County. I do not want to be there. I do not want Zachary to be lied to. iF anything ever happened to me, Zachary would go to his father. I would never want you to take Zachary. I could never trust you completely with him. Because of you I can barely trust anyone anyways, Stop acting like it would be normal for me to try to come spend a weekend there. It's not normal and it takes to much fucking energy for me to be there killing apart of myself to make everyone believe a that it's all ok. This is what happens when the children of abused children get to be the age that their parents suffered most. I look at zachary and ( his girl cousin of the similar age) and I think how the fuck could she have made the choices she made? Now you have to live with them. I suggest you get some help with that.

I love you and I am sorry if you don't feel that right now. I do really love you. I, like you, have little to operate on here and you can't push me right now. Everyone is tired and has it hard. Most of all it's Zachary who has it the hardest. I am not taking Zachary to see you just to make you feel better. He suffers so much fucking pain. I will pursue things that I think will bring him the most joy if he is ever able to go anywhere.

Christmas is just another reason to hate Jesus. I am not celebrating Christmas. We will have Santa Day. We believe in Santa Day.
I hope this will be the end of any talk about travel and Christmas.

Jennifer

I live in the f*cking now.

Finally, I can breathe. I thought I would never breathe until Zachary was better. Then I thought Fuck I am dying here. I am no good for either of us this way. You know Turning blue with no fear of dying. Surprised when I was still waking up everyday. Oh I wasn't sleeping much either but what I meant was that I was still here. I did not want to be here with his pain. I still can't take it when it just won't go away. He suffers and suffers and suffers. I just breathe through it. I am ok with pain and suffering when I can still laugh on those days. That's the day I claim to have balance. I think to myself, I won, I can laugh on days of torture and confusion. But there are days, when no one could laugh and it's a bloody mess, I am so scared and I think the world is just cruel. His body is a prison and he tears it apart to get out. I can feel his pain running through my own nerves. I don't want to feel anything at all. It's hard to breathe on those days. I would run away in my mind. That won't do for the long haul. I can visualize to almost tangible details. It creates resentments when you return to reality. It gives an illusion of a choice you don't really have. It's ok for moments but it won't get you through it all. I had to learn to stay. Just like a good dog, a loyal servant. I just stayed, and learned this is no time to fight . I am not a warrior here, I have no weapons. I must stay with compassion in mind. I had a judgemental mind. It was my biggest challenge to redifine compassion. I thought I was such a good person and little did I know what truths I would learn. Now, I have seen my ego stand down. In a new way, I have been so good for so long and Zachary has never been bad. Promises, promises. Do you think I am motivated to do this because I believe will be rewarded one day? No thanks! There is not a big enough carrot. I just can't imagine a heaven so sweet and wonderful worth his pain. I have begged and pleaded to change the deal if there is one. I believe that being with him is the gift. If you are willing to take the adventure. To walk the gauntlet and learn how to slay a dragon. Learning how he still loves life. I never loved life that much. I am just starting to now. Starting with loving to breathe, a really deep good breath. I think of when I was at the beach and in the woods, I was a child just being. I would have never been able to live with all of this pain. Learning to watch him with respect and awe. Learning how to fail him while still loving him. Seeing his soul, he's a person. Desperate to find, what it took for my love to find it's way from my heart to his. I had to learn to breathe and be present to be stable for him in the midst of caos. I call it walking the plank .....everyday, I breathe and walk out there in blind faith. The most ironic thing of all. I walk in blind faith everyday. Faith in what? My mind dosen't believe in anything anymore but my life experiences something profoundly more powerful than I am. So I am in the now of irony. I believe it's a good place a place where change is allowed.

Zachary is famous.

OK he's not famous but I wrote to the Senator of Mass. told him he could use Zach's story to help fight the electric skin shocking being done by the evil people to the kids like Zach. I got an email back saying thanks and we will keep you updated.

Then I got an email from a nice doctor wanting to use videos of Zachary at her lecture to show that kids like Zach are nice kids dealing with something hard. I said, go ahead and use the videos. Anyone who wants to stop the restraining and harsh behavior mod on these kids is a hero. So when it's all done she'll send me the part of her lecture with Zach in it. I'll share it here. I am kind of excited. If it helps a child or a mother trying to the school to be compassionate towards her child.
Well, it's just nice when you surrvive something and it winds up helping others.

Zachary is a champion. Most doctors told me he would never talk. Now he is trying to boss me around. He is so determind to find a blue race car. He wants to shop everyday. It's not happening but I love him for trying.

Finally my video is up on Long Awkward Pose! Please go vote for Fromage! The website LongAwkwardPose.com is the creation of Katie Dippold. She is a big jerk. ( Her words not mine)

Katie is a comedy writer (currently at MADtv) and performer (Boiling Points, Late Night with Conan O’Brien)

She encourages you to press viedo on your camera when your victims think you are taking a picture. It creates The Long Awkward Pose. I did it to Jose and he wanted to say fromage instead of cheese. OK he is French but still he wasn't about to sit still and smile for the camera.

vote for fromage

Ms. Thea with Zach
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Zachary and Ms. Thea. She started out as a respite worker going to camp with Zachary so he still calls her Ms. Thea. I call her The Nanny.
Most of the time she's the daughter I never had. They laugh together.
She is going back to school to get certified to work with kids like Zach probably as a OT therapist. She is a certified massage therapist. Is Zach a lucky kid or what? So these are my kids.

I am worried about zach. I am waiting to see how many times he goes pee......( fun) I think he needs to be on IV but I can't go in too soon.....we've been on the verge of this for weeks. He's just so low on energy and now he won't eat or drink much.
I am trying to gently force him to drink. .........

i've got a winning ticket!

i've got a winning ticket!
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

Fuzzy photo but can you see?? I won $137.00
Two more numbers and it would have been 137 million!

calottery_jcbutton
Originally uploaded by jippyjabber.

What would you do with Triple Million dollars?

Ok that is for Super Lotto but you can go here to check out Mega Millions! Give it to me Yolanda!

My sister told me that if she won.....she would go Angelina Jolie and adopt a bunch of babies, hire some nannies put them in a house filled with puppies. She would stop by when ever she wanted. OMG I never laughed so hard.

I had three numbers and the bonus number. Two numbers off. It's fun just having a couple numbers right.
I think I will try betting on the horses next.

I am quite sure I would not have filled a house with babies and puppies. LOL I would fill a garage with corvettes and mustangs.

ZACHARY MOVED HIS TOES!



Yes, I meant to shout that out. Because of the complex regional pain syndrome his right leg is in pain and his right foot has foot drop. Foot drop means it just hangs down. He's been able to move his foot up and down a little for a while.

I thought I saw his big toe move the other day when I was putting lotion on his leg. I wasn't sure if he moved it or not. This morning which is still last night for us........ I was rubbing his foot and he moved his toes. HALLELUJAH.

So the medicine that makes everything worse but might help his leg........is helping his leg. He can't move his toes when I ask him to try. He'll grab his foot with his hand and try to move his foot. However, his nerves are healing. Nerves take a long long time to heal. I think it's a centimeter every three months or something painfully slow like that. His foot is really stiff. We miss swimming. I wish I had a hot tub. I better be careful and go easy. He'll have too much pain if I push and then his brain might start this whole process all over again.

It goes soemthign like this, the brain restricts blood flow to an injury at first (I guess so we don't bleed to death.) In complex regional pain syndrome the brain can stay in this mode. Now if you have a pain disorder this can complicate things. I am not giving medical advice. I am trying to point out how much of a miracle this is!! His toes moved!!!!!!

Jippy goes out!

I got in my car and I stopped myself from calculating how fast I could get everything done and get back. I left Zach with his usual nanny and one of her girlfriends. They each had their own pizza thanks to the Domino 3 for $5 each special. Then I left them with money for Target. Another good thing that came out of my talk with the nanny is that when she takes zach to Target, she buys water, juice, zach snacks and foods she likes to have around and things like trash bags. She also takes the trash out everyday when she leaves! This just needed to happen.

Zach collects cars so he spends lots of time looking at the toy section. He also likes to read the moive covers. It takes time so I like to send them to Target. Zachary made a power play and wanted 15 toys. I was told he was even fake crying! LOL This is actually excellent behavior for an autistic child. I can tell by the way the young ladies told me the story they enjoyed zachary's efforts at manipulating them and caved in at four race cars. He was really happy with what he got and I think he knew what he could get out of them. My little player.

Back to me, I get on the road I am looking for a good song on the radio and boom out of no where I am in tears. Crying about nothing. Just making room to breathe I guess. I had about twenty minutes to go and then my friend was going to drive the rest of the way. We have a saying in our family. Get your cry out, and I did. I didn't think too much about it and when I got to my friends house I was ready to go.

We saw traffic all around us but we were moving for some strange reason. We were so early we had time to go to California Pizza kitchen and have dinner. I had half a chicken ceasar salad. It was more than enough. We did some window shopping and hit up Starbicks. I still have my gift card from Christmas so it felt like a free coffee.

I was enjoying being able to stand up right and drink my coffe slowly. That's when I realizwed zach's wheel chair was in the back of my car in Burbank.. OMG! What kind of mother takes off whith her son's wheel chair? LOL I figured they would skip Target but they just went very very slow and he has pushes the cart like a walker. TROOPERS!

My friend and I pretended not to know each other during go speak to someone you don't know like you've been waiting for them at the airpor section. . After you get your cry out you are kind of vulnerable. I think my friend has trouble with crowds because she was really stiff and wasn't saying much. So I preetended not to know her and we got through it.

I had a nice night and I do feel like I am better today because of it.